Out of the blizzard and into our home

The snow lays thickly over the yard, as it come down in one messy storm. Outside is the harsh wind, that dashes the flakes at every angle. Toys are buried, trees weighed down, and roads waiting to be plowed. The news says not to venture out, and shows images of empty roads and vehicles in ditches. Outside is such chaos.

From inside it looks beautiful. The light reflects into our home, with no need to turn on the lamps. The flakes gracefully dance from sky to ground, and through the glass is an mesmerizing snow globe. We're warm and unaware of the frigid chill outside. We go about our day, content with staying in and enjoying each other's company.

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Holy Household

A POST IN PROGRESS!

I always liked having motivational posters in my room, little sayings inside cupboard doors, etc. My mom had a few in our home while growing up, and they always inspired me in times of weakness. My favorite for the past twelve years has been The Serenity Prayer, all over my home.

After finding a few new ones online, I decided to make a printout of some spiritual motivators for our home. While we are a Catholic family, these are great for anyone of a Christian faith! Print onto cardstock and laminate, cut out, and tape onto all sorts of places.

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Quote of the Day

“Give us grace and strength to forbear and to persevere. Give us courage and gaiety, and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavours. If it may not, give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temparate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune, and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving to one another.”

― Robert Louis Stevenson

 

Sounds a lot like the Serenity Prayer, but very thought out indeed.

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Third Trimester Nightmares

I can handle the discomforts of being 8 months pregnant. I can attempt to get a handle of my 4 young children. But what I cannot handle are these very vivid nightmares I've been having!

I read that because of intense hormone changes and stresses of pregnancy, dreams tend to become more vivid and memorable after waking. Let me just say it, THIS SUCKS! Last night was the worst. I can usually justify the nightmares with the fact that my husband and I tend to snore, thus resulting in dreams of growling bears. This morning, my husband was gone and along came a dinosaur! It was enough to prompt me to research my nightmares, with astounding results that are right on for my daytime moods and fears.

 

My reoccurring nightmare usually includes our old Cold Spring house in the woods on the lake. As I approach the house, the family of bears spot me. (In real life, there were no bears in the area.) As I enter the house, it either has all screen doors or glass windows (similar to the image above). Either way I am vulnerable to attack.

I usually get in to the empty house to attempt locking all doors as the bear follows me just yards away. Lucky for me, I tend to wake up shortly after.

According to DreamMoods.com:

To see a glass house in your dream suggests that you need to be cautious about what people are telling you. They may be telling you what you want to hear, and not necessarily what you need to hear.

To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear, denotes aggression, overwhelming obstacles and competition. You may find yourself in a threatening situation.

To dream that you are locking the door suggests that you are closing yourself off from others. You are hesitant in letting others in and revealing your feelings. It is indicative of some fear and low self-worth.

 

Last night, there were a stable of wild horses that had it in for me. It makes me guess my husband or I had more of a "phfbbb" snore like a horse sound. There were a few other animals, such as a stubborn cow pushing the gate open, and some dogs. But why I had to contain the horses and cow by myself in a basement stall under the house??? Why my farmer father-in-law stood by and watched? Why an old high school acquaintance I never think about suddenly appears to serve me a weird molasses treat my father-in-law left on a nearby post?

 

According to DreamMoods.com:

To see a herd of wild horses in your dream signifies a sense of freedom and lack of responsibilities and duties. Perhaps it may also indicate your uncontrolled emotions.

To see a cow in your dream symbolizes your passive and docile nature. You obey others without question. Alternatively, a cow represents maternal instincts or the desire to be cared for. For some cultures, the cow represents divine qualities of fertility, nourishment and motherhood.

To see a dog in your dream symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. The dream dog may also represent someone in your life who exhibits these qualities. Alternatively, to see a dog in your dream indicates a skill that you may have ignored or forgotten. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it indicates some inner conflict within yourself.

To see or eat molasses in your dream, signifies a happy home life and good hospitality. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for some situation or something that is moving slowly.

To see your father-in-law in your dream refers to your conscience and your rational side. You need to be more yielding in your point of view and decisions.

To see an acquaintance in your dream represents aspects of yourself that you are still trying to get to know. To dream that you are disputing with an acquaintance represents aspects of yourself that you are rejecting. You are refusing to accept certain things about yourself.

To dream that the basement is in disarray and messy signifies some confusion in which you need to sort out. These are things that you have "stored" away or put aside in your mind because you do not know what to do with it or you do not have the time to deal with it. It may also represent your perceived faults and shortcomings.

 

 

The next dream (today) starts with losing my luggage on a school bus that left without me. I somehow get home and unable to use a regular landline phone to call for help. Forgetting all the dial codes and phone numbers…

Then what about that Dinosaur suddenly appearing, chasing me and my oldest daughter around the house, without the ability to keep it out despite our best efforts? It also grows the closer we get to safety. It was about 6 inches tall growing up to just over 3 feet tall before I woke up.

 

According to DreamMoods.com

To see or ride a school bus in your dream suggests that you are about to venture on an important life journey needed for your own personal growth.

To dream that you lose your luggage represents a lost in your identity.

To dream that you cannot dial a phone number correctly suggests that you are having difficulties in getting through to someone in your waking life. Consider whose phone number you are trying to dial. Perhaps he or she is not taking your advice or listening to what you have to say. The message is not getting through.

To see a dinosaur in your dream symbolizes an outdated attitude. You may need to discard your old ways of thinking and habits. To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful. Alternatively, being chased by a dinosaur, may reflect old issues that are still coming back to haunt you.

To see something growing in your dream indicates that you have reached a new level of maturity or spiritual enlightenment.

 

SO - A RECAP OF MY DREAM MOOD:

Glass House + Bear + Locking Up=

I feel like there are many overwhelming obstacles in my life. What I tend to do is become hesitant in revealing my feelings. People are telling me what they think I want to hear, but not what I am needing to hear. Probably because they don't know or understand how I'm really feeling.

 

Wild Horses + Cow + Dogs + Molasses + Basement Barn + people=

Everything is moving so slowly including the pregnancy and my ability to handle this household. I procrastinate because I do not know what else to do. I have uncontrolled emotions and a desire to be cared for.  My rational side is trying to know me better, so I can use my newfound strengths to get me through. I have strong values and good intentions that will help me move forward.

 

School Bus + Lost Luggage + Phone Numbers + Growing Dinosaur=

I am on an important life journey, but along the way I am losing my identity. I am having troubles getting though (to my husband) about how I feel and what I need to feel better emotionally. Resulting in a growing fear of no longer being needed or useful.

 

Can I just say, Woah! That is all true. Sad, but true.

Now, I just need to take note of all this and do something about it. To stop the nightmares and conquer my emotional issues. Find my strengths and move forward!

 

Do you have vivid nightmares? Post a comment!

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Are You Talented

On several occasions I’ve been emailed a questionnaire for others to get to know me better. Usually there are questions such as…

 

1. What is your favorite color?

2. How many pets have you had?

 

… and others of the like. Nowadays you cannot reply because of the treat of identity theft. However, some have been more intriguing.

 

3. If there was a fire, what would you grab first?

4. Describe a reoccurring dream.

 

I think about these and other questions most often while in the shower. It is my contemplation room. I’m sure most people have a place they go to “just think.” Today’s thought motivated me to take action and reply.

 

5. While I am good at many things, if I could choose just one thing to be really good at [a master at], what would it be?

 

To be honest, I still don’t know the answer, but I really want to know! Surprisingly it is not a talent such as dancing, piano playing or painting. Nor any of the usual things we dream of as children. When facing myself with the question, I’m drawn into a deeper thought. If I really got a wish granted to be absolutely superb at something, it would have to be the perfect thing.

 

While you and I ponder that one… let’s thing about our choices and list them below:

*Motherhood?

*Motivational Speaker?

*Peace Maker?

*Humility?

*World Domination

*???

 

Then I asked myself, if I was really great at this one thing, would that mean I could no longer be fairly good at the other things I can do? Would I be willing to give up my mediocre life for this particular perfection? It ought to be sooo good, it would reflect in everything I do. So, what is it?!

 

Just off the top of my head, if I had to give up being moderately talented for one thing, I’d like to be…

*Superbly Inspirational! It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Inspiration is good for me AND others. It has elements of humility and great knowledge. It requires you to “walk the walk” and speak up for those who cannot. It’s influential and comes in handy for most topics and every day situations.

 

I certainly got my work cut out for me. As we all know, wishes don’t come true… but people who have determination can reach their goals. While I aspire to be good at many things, it is my goal to be inspiring even if only to a few.

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Can we coexist?

Ever seen the Coexist bumper sticker.

Here’s our Christian reply.

 

HT: Totus Tuus

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For the Anonymous Readers

I haven't been on here much lately, but I just got an anonymous comment which I am sure he or she would love to be seen... and I would be thrilled to comment on. So here it is...

I think sometimes things are meant to be kept to yourself. One would
think that you would learn to keep things to yourself as it gets you in trouble
and has many times in the past with your family and friends. I think you spend
too much time blogging on how sad you feel, your obesity and family issues. Some
of those issues, like being poor, etc. should be kept to yourself. You can speak
your mind, but don't like hearing what people have to say about you and that is
a big part is giving your opinion. You say manything things that I don't believe
in. I think if you can't afford to have another child, then you should avoid
pregnancy, if you issues with your weight...start exercising and go on a diet.
You have GD because of our weight...IVF helps couples have their own child when
they cannot have one the natural way, Obama is trying his hardest to get us out
of this mess. After finding your blog, I can't believe half the stuff you blog
about. You need to find something better to do with your time and spend it with
your children.

You can't expect to always speak your mind without getting critized for
it. People are entitled to their opinions, but sometimes those opinions are
meant to be kept to yourself, even on a blog. You seen very unhappy with
yourself and you need to do somethng about it. Your comments are pushing you
away from you family and friends. I see a lot of pictures of what looks to be
your family, but do you not hang out with your husband's family? You have lost
friends for a reason, so if you want them back, bite your lip and keep those
comments to yourself.

I certainly agree that I have a hard time with knowing people don't like me. But fortunately I am able to see past these people who hardly know me, and focus on the love and fellowship of those who are truly a part of my life. This lent I have really experienced humility, sacrifice and reflection of my faith and family life.

I am enjoying some wonderful days with my children lately, as I have written on my family blog. Our homeschooling has been doing excellent, and we just finished creating a fabulous schoolroom and hope to enjoy years of joys and challenges in here. We cherish all those simple moments, so much, I often forget my camera - which is odd for me. Our current trials are helping my family come together in a new way, making us stronger and happier.

My husband has a great job that not only provides for our necessities, but because of our new habits of conserving learned from our hardships, we are able to give bigger donations to local charities as we had always hoped. Our future looks brighter today. In our toughest year last year, we actually came out better than ever financially and spiritually. We were able to sort out the true friendships and true values we'd been searching for. We feel truly blessed, and are grateful to an amazing God who provides in all times.

God has even given us a beautiful gift of another child, which we welcome with open arms. He or she is kicking stronger every day, and although it will be a challenge to care for another child with three others already under my wing, I look forward to all the blessings that will come from this incredible gift. I couldn't imagine my life without my children, as I am called by God to be a mother, always have been. My life isn't certainly for everyone, but it's just perfect for me. God knows I can handle it, so I Trust Him that I can.

I'll make my comment on the weight issue as short as possible. There are many reasons that I have become overweight over the years. Whenever I've made big strides to lose the weight, I become pregnant. No complaints, I just start up again when I recover. After years working with programs such as 6 Week Body Makeover, local dieticians, Biggest Loser Club, Atkins diet, etc.... I wanted to take a new approach. Last year I joined LA Weightloss and Golds Gym. I even got a personal trainer. I followed their programs to a T for 6 months total. Imagine their shock when I didn't lose a single ounce. They were baffled and said they had no other suggestions. Just keep trying. I did everything right from counting points and calories, exercising, food journals, measuring food, etc. Imagine my shock when I got pregnant later in the year, and lost 10 pounds. I am over 5 months pregnant and am still down those 10 pounds. Still in the obese category I knew I would be prone to getting Gestational Diabetes again, as I did in my last pregnancy. In the past few days it's finally at a stable point, for now. My mother had GD when she was pregnant some 14 years ago, and was no where near overweight. So that is certainly not the reason for getting GD, it's just a factor. I am excited to restart my weightloss adventure in October, which I have decided to go on my own way - since no professional has been able to help. But I am certainly optimisitic and ready for all the hard work ahead.

Okay, I could comment on the Obama issue, but I think his recent failures speak for themselves. And in regards to his fight for abortion rights and embyonic stem cell reasearch... it certainly saddens me that so many are oblivious to the master design of human life.

I kind of wrote about family/friends that aren't in my life anymore in other blogs, but I'll say that my life didn't include them on a regular basis before, therefore their absence doesn't bother me one bit. Though I wish it wasn't that way. I would hate to pretend to be their buddy, and fake a friendship when I can better focus myself on my truly productive relationships. Regarding my husbands family.... they are not a "get together" type. However we do speak to his parents on a regualr basis over the phone or visits. They live on a farm just 5 miles away. His only sibling is a brother who works a lot of hours all over the state, but we get to see him for all the holidays and occasionally at the farm since he helps there. The kids love their grandparents on that side very much, and love Grandma's homemade goodies and canned goods along with her love, and Grandpa's tractors and cows on the farm are great learning tools for my kids. My side of the family gets together a lot more often, and they are a big part of our life. But we have genuine love for both sides.

I haven't been blogging much this lent, because of this new focus. I began this blog to share my story and share my feelings about my daily struggles and contemplations. It has been a true blessing, and I've made some fabulous, supportive friends. Of course there have been some challenges along the way from anonymous commenters, but that's okay. It has helped me look deeper into myself and build confidence on what I have to say. I remind myself that they are not forced to read my blog if they don't like it. So, I certainly will continue to share my PERSONAL JOURNEY of ups and downs, including my struggles with evangelization and depression, defending the innocent unborn, etc. I will welcome any comments, even those in disagreement, in an effort to spark postitive conversation. Just don't expect me to agree every time.

So in conclusion, I do have friends, I do have supportive family, we spend lots of time together, and I blog to share with them our adventures, and I blog here to create discussion for those who are struggling as I am. I know I am not alone in this fight for happiness and God's abounding graces. For those who continue to read, please share a tid-bit of what you like about my blog. For those who do not, I think we get the picture - you simply don't agree with me. That's okay, it's just in most cases I wish you did.

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You can never care too much!

Just a note to let everyone know that I am feeling better. Allowing my true self to be shown here on this blog is a great release, and seeing what positive support I have from many of you helped me get through the stress associated with posting hard truths.

My husband was so kind as to get my massage therapist, Henry, to come on over and relieve the excrutiating pain in my shoulders and rest of my body. It took longer than usual to break down the tension. It was that bad. It was so bad last Monday, it was too hard to deal with anything emotional the physical pain was so overbearing. Today I don't feel as beat up, and got a better nights sleep. I think I can finally enjoy my 2nd trimester.

Yesterday I saw my psychologist/therapist, who is a gem of a woman. I told her every little detail, and she was very encouraging and commended me on my progress. Usually it would take me a week or so to move past the hurt, but it only took me one day this time. I explained my faith life and little support groups have set me up for success. There is no need for hopelessness when you have God's love through confession, adoration, family and positive friendships. So thank you all. Thank you God.

I've come to the conclusion that the way I care for others is a blessing and not a burden. I just need to learn moderation. That does not mean I hold back. It means that when my caring for others makes me feel unable to function as a mother and wife, that is when I need to put it aside for awhile until I feel up to the challenge.

I explained it to my mother this way: Mom, you care for people very much. You offer advice and offer yourself to others frequently. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it hurts. But, you can still function and move on from it when it doesn't work out the way you hoped. - - - When it comes to me, I am have enherited that caring and giving spirit. The difference is, when it doesn't work out the way I want it to... I dwell on it and I feel deep sorrow and need big pushes of encouragement to move on.

My new way of approaching this is to realize that God is directing me to plant seeds of faith and His truth. Even when there is a lot of rocky ground out there. But it is not up to me to till the soil, that's God's work. And even if I don't get around to planting a seed when the opportunity presents itself, God will take care of them. That understanding brings great relief to me.

I see this caring and giving spirit in my daughter, Mikayla. She is only 6, but she has it in boat loads. You know, like the ARK... Acts of Random Kidness. (That's from the movie Evan Almighty, one of her favorites.) Anyways, I can only hope to be a positive influence on how she can act upon this spirit, so that she never loses the desire for it.

So, I am doing very well today. A little stressed over catching up on housework and homework. But nothing I can't handle. Heck, it's the weekend and tomorrow night is date night for Tom and I - dinner and dancing! I'm a happy gal.

God Bless,
Melissa

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Things happen for a reason.

Hello readers. It appears there are more of you than I knew about. A so-so blog has turned into a hot topic link among family and friends, and some aquaintences. While it is nice to see that I have more readers, some who just choose not to comment until it affects them personally, it brings me to that point so many of you fellow bloggers have been at one time or another. You will never forget that post you made, when you got some comments or calls you weren't expecting and wish you never got??? Sound familiar? Then when you're already feeling bummed out, you have to decide if your blog is worth keeping. You have to decide whether to respond or delete. I'm there.

Most of you know that I have a family blog, where I post about family tips, and things that are happening with my family. It keeps our friends and family updated on our everyday things, and connects me to other mom's who are like-minded. It's a good thing.

So when I started feeling like journaling more about touchy subjects, like politics and religion, I figured I better keep that blogging separate from my family. This Growing in Grace blog has developed into a place where I can share silly MEMEs, interesting articles or videos worth sharing, and discussions I care about as a faithful Catholic. It's very personal.

A few weeks ago I realized that I enjoyed sharing more hot topics, because it brought readers and comments I was looking for. While reading other blogs, I saw there was a demand for blogs about living the faith in the public eye. So last week I decided to share a personal experience and how I was currently dealing with it.

I do admit, even though at the time I thought I was being vague, I was told yesterday that I gave enough detail to stir up ill emotions and cause some unexpected discussions to arise from those mentioned in the post. I have gone through the post the best I can to create anonymity for those people, without deleting it completely. It contains good points and things I want to share. My dad explained that politics and religious truths are already in the public eye and open for discussion complete with names, but I need to be careful not to publicize opinion nor fact about those in my private connections (or something like that), which may hurt them. So excuse me for stepping on toes that were put in my path. You'll either have to avoid my path, or rest assured that I'll keep your name/identity more private in the future.

So what's all this fuss about?

Well, I have put myself on the line to help others and find help from others. I have opened the pages of my life, the knowledge in my brain, and the understanding the Holy Spirit has bestowed upon me. Because of this, I have been hurt badly. I knew it was coming, and I promised God I would take with a grain of salt.

Sadly, my depresssion has elevated, possibly due to pregnancy hormones, but worse than before no matter how. I will never reach complete hopelessness, because I have God in my life. He alone has pulled me through each and every bottomed out moment. Yes, there have been many. Sometime God pulls me through it with His voice, or that of my husband's or dear friends and family. Yes, you must believe that God works on his own, AND through others. I often feel the presence of God urging me to do his work for others. It's funny how people love it until it challenges them to make a change in THEIR life.

In the midst of my dispair, I have found the TRUTH and the LIGHT and HOPE. It is God as the Blessed Trinity, which has shown me the real way to live with purpose. Of course, I am not perfect in my personal efforts towards sanctifying grace, I slip and fall, but unlike some others in my "private connections," I get back up and keep following. I DO find ways to strengthen myself, such as through the Catholic Eucharist, confession, bible study, and frienships which nuture this path. I DO NOT find ways to compromise my faith to feel better about my wrong decisions. I DO NOT stray from my faith and find another one that makes me feel better about the life I want. Because GOD'S WILL is so much better than my own. And that's a proven fact.

> This issue began with a post about disturbing truths about our President and his administration, and concern for those who support him regardless. We hoped to inform. We hoped for a respectful discussion. Instead we got rejected, bombarded with hatred for OUR beliefs and facts shared, ignored than ridiculed, and expected to reply in a nice, submissive and compromising way. Who the heck do you think we are? A bunch of gullable idiots who were raised by imbisuls? Quite the contrary. I am not sorry, I have not changed my opinon on the matter, and will not waiver on my faith for anyone.

I WILL NOT agree to disagree, or simply try to "understand" those who are following the wrong path. That is the most wimped out excuse to pretend and divert from the TRUTH. The friend I wrote about in my last post, who hurt me deeply and wants me to just turn this into a

"...success story where you could have then shared a beautiful outcome of
forgiveness and understanding"

She wrote "that the issues of the present and the past have been posted for the world to see before [I have] even taken the opportunity to discuss feelings with" her. Which is absurd, since a few weeks ago I tried to discuss this and got the silent treatment and the discussion was deleted and never readdressed privately."

She doesn't understand that even though her compromises in life which have separated us, and the bitterness of her family towards mine, a "beautiful outcome" has already been reached - she just can't see it. She needs to know I have already forgiven her over and over again, and do again today for the ways she has hurt me, how she turned her back on me and her faith. That I understand that she has been manipulated by others and her worldly thoughts away from the faith that she could have embraced, and hopefully someday will. I still see potential in her, and will continue to pray for her. But due to my own human frailty, I cannot resolve this all now. The beautiful outcome is that I continue to hold no grudges, even though I am serverly bruised by her and her family's actions.

With regards to others that were mentioned, some took it well and others not. The addition of those paragraphs about others were meant to emphasize the condition I am in. To let readers understand that it is not just this one incident that brings me down in despair. It is interesting that some have insisted in being a part of my life, yet want little to do with the part of me that cares for them back. It leaves me feeling used. I think I've made amends with those two particular people and there is some understanding of where we're both coming from.

Why do I tend to burden myself with such things?

I care too much? (especially about how people feel about me) Someone once wrote in my yearbook: "Melissa, you're too nice." What the heck does that mean? I didn't realize my concern for others was such a burden. I didn't realize that my love and hope for the prosperity of human kind was overreaching.

It is built into my nature to care more than most. To contemplate more than most. To feel personally attacked, when others can brush it off. A small portion of it is neurological, and will be numbed (treated) with medication after the baby is born. The kind of meds that make me not care as much, yet never get rid of the situations. Most of these feelings are a constant yearning and desire to help others, as embedded in my heart by God from the moment I was concieved. To deny this, is to deny God's will for me. To let go of it would be selfish. And to follow through with it to the full extent that God asks of all of us, is really a dying to myself. How did I come to this conclusion, you ask? Through gifts of the Holy Spirit, and enlightened by my current study of the book "Courageous Love" as I've written about before. The book really calls you to action.


SO UNTIL I AM PAST THIS SADNESS:

I will be consoling myself in God's love. I will be detaining my compelling desire to share my concerns and advice with others close to me. I am asking God to lift this cross, as it is too much to bear at this time. OR that He will show me how this fits into my path. I will gladly accept the other crosses I bear on a daily basis, per His instructions to me last Thursday night in adoration. To care for my children and household first. And I will gladly pick up that heavy cross with love and charity again when my soul is mended.

Last night I curled into bed around 5pm again, like last week. I was so overraught with concern and sadness, as well as physical pain from my shoulders and hips. My husband set up this week an at home massage with my usual people, and told me it was all taken care of. He ran over to Applebees to calm my craving for an Oriental Chicken Salad. Then cleaned up and put the kids to bed. He is so sweet and understanding. He is Christ-like to me every day, even when it seems like too much for him to bear. I guess I'm his Cross.

GOD SPEAKS: A REVELATION

Of course I turned on the boob tube, and watched AFV and That 70s Show for a good laugh, then Medium for a thrill. Anything to take my mind of how I felt. But then it came time for my usual reruns of Scrubs, which I watch almost every night. Well, this one (watch it here) actually spoke to me. The focus was on this head nurse who always talks about her faith in Jesus, who states that even bad things happen for a reason. And amidst this "wow" moment of mine, the nurse even quoted:

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE CONCERNED?

What I need is respect and love from those who are in my circle. I ask that you continue with your positive encouragement and suggestions. They have indeed been very helpful. Here are some of my favorites...

"you have to let people love you, like, or hate you the way they want - it stinks sometimes, but at least it's authentic... ...do what is right and so what if you don't ever see or taste any fruits of your labors. You have to trust that He is tilling the fields for you"

"Our beliefs should be strongly and loyally held, otherwise why have them?!"

"I know that when my own personal pray life is in order, as well as my family’s prayer life…I am more successful in situations like these. ...when all this confrontation was happening to me, I figured this was a nudge from the Lord to deepen MY own relationship with him."

St. Theresa's Prayer (I recieved in an email today):

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

Something I once wrote which connects with last weekend's gospel reading:
Jesus touched the lepers, talked to them, healed them. It was contrary to what others had ever done. Contrary to the worldly view that politics and religion should be a private matter and unspeakable amongst friends... God is calling many of us followers to share his message on the issues that should matter to everyone - not just Catholics!

Thank you to all who took the time to read this long post. I hope it will clear the air, and help you see what I envision for this blog. I hope it will inspire you to pray to step up to what God is calling you to do with your life, and BE NOT AFRAID because God is present in every moment. And in a moment of dispair, realize that even then blessings can come forth - because God wills it to be so!

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It just occured to me...

Today it occured to me...

My daughters will require my permission before the age of 18

>to get her ears pierced.

>to get a tatoo.

>to get her drivers license.

>to make chargable phone calls.

>..i am sure there are more, as well as anything I deem worthy as her parent.

No acceptions. Oh wait...

Under FOCA, at as young as the age of 12 or 13 she could go get an abortion on her own, or possibly with her rapist at her side, and we'd never know. She'll be allowed the right to murder her unborn child at an age when common sense isn't even fully developed.

Since when is Parental Consent unnecessary for major, permament medical procedure on a minor?! Necessary for a permament tatoo, but not a permanent abortion. Boy, are some people's ideas about constitutional rights mixed up. What's next?

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Accepting God's Will

The article below is in whole and discusses that even though things happen which do not seem to be of God, that it is still God's Divine Providence. It is God's Will for this election of Obama to occur inorder for our lives to move in a preconcieved way...



Catholic Family News Article - 11/5/2008


Abandonment to Divine Providence
By Father Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange

Why should we abandon ourselves to Divine Providence?

The answer of every Christian will be that the reason lies in the wisdom and goodness of Providence. This is very true; nevertheless, if we are to have a proper understanding of the subject, if we are to avoid the error of the Quietists in renouncing more or less the virtue of hope and the struggle necessary for salvation, if we are to avoid also the other extreme of disquiet, precipitation, and a feverish, fruitless agitation, it is expedient for us to lay down four principles already somewhat accessible to natural reason and clearly set forth in revelation as found in Scripture. These principles underlying the true doctrine of self-abandonment also bring out the motive inspiring it.

The first of these principles is that everything which comes to pass has been foreseen by God from all eternity, and has been willed or at least permitted by Him.

Nothing comes to pass either in the material or in the spiritual world, but God has foreseen it from all eternity; because with Him there is no passing from ignorance to knowledge as with us, and He has nothing to learn from events as they occur. Not only has God foreseen everything that is happening now or will happen in the future, but whatever reality and goodness there is in these things He has willed; and whatever evil or moral disorder is in them, He has merely permitted. Holy Scripture is explicit on this point, and, as the Councils have declared, no room is left for doubt in the matter.

The second principle is that nothing can be willed or permitted by God that does not contribute to the end He purposed in creating, which is the manifestation of His goodness and infinite perfections, and the glory of the God-man Jesus Christ, His only Son. As St. Paul says, “All are yours. And you are Christ's. And Christ is God's.” (I Cor. 2: 23).

In addition to these two principles, there is a third, which St. Paul states thus:

“We know that to them that love God all things work together unto good: to such
as, according to His purpose, are called to be saints”. (Rom. 8: 28),

and persevere in His love. God sees to it that everything contributes to their spiritual welfare, not only the grace He bestows on them, not only those natural qualities He endows them with, but sickness too, and contradictions and reverses; as St. Augustine tells us, even their very sins, which God only permits in order to lead them on to a truer humility and thereby to a purer love. It was thus He permitted the threefold denial of St. Peter, to make the great Apostle more humble, more mistrustful of self, and by this very means become stronger and trust more in the Divine Mercy.

These first three principles may therefore be summed up in this way;

Nothing comes to pass but God has foreseen it, willed it or at least permitted it. He wills nothing, permits nothing, unless for the manifestation of His goodness and infinite perfections, for the glory of His Son, and the welfare of those that love Him.

In view of these three principles, it is evident that our trust in Providence cannot be too childlike, too steadfast. Indeed, we may go further and say that this trust in Providence should be blind as is our faith, the object of which is those mysteries that are non-evident and unseen (fides est de non visis) for we are certain beforehand that Providence is directing all things infallibly to a good purpose, and we are more convinced of the rectitude of His designs than we are of the best of our own intentions. Therefore, in abandoning ourselves to God, all we have to fear is that our submission will not be wholehearted enough.

In view of Quietism, however, this last sentence obliges us to lay down a fourth principle no less certain than the principles that have preceded. The principle is, that obviously self-abandonment does not dispense us from doing everything in our power to fulfill God's will as made known in the Commandments and counsels, and in the events of life; but so long as we have the sincere desire to carry out His will thus made known from day to day, we can and indeed we must abandon ourselves for the rest to the Divine Will of good pleasure, no matter how mysterious it may be, and thus avoid a useless disquiet and mere agitation.

This fourth principle is expressed in equivalent terms by the Council of Trent (Sess. VI, cap. 13), when it declares that we must all have firm hope in God's assistance and put our trust in Him, being careful at the same time to keep His commandments. As the well-known proverb has it: “Do what you ought, come what may.”

All theologians explain what is meant by the Divine Will as expressed: expressed, that is, in the Commandments, in the spirit underlying the counsels, and in the events of life. They add that, while conforming ourselves to His expressed will, we must abandon ourselves to His Divine Will of good pleasure, however mysterious it may be, for we are certain beforehand that in its holiness it wills nothing, permits nothing, unless for a good purpose.

We must take special note here of these words in the Gospel of St. Luke

“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in that which is
greater.” (16: 10).

If every day we do what we can to be faithful to God in the ordinary routine of life, we may be confident that He will give us grace to remain faithful in whatever extremity we may find ourselves through His permission; and if we have to suffer for Him, He will give us the grace to die a heroic death rather than be ashamed of Him and betray Him.

These are the principles underlying the doctrine of trusting self-abandonment. Accepted as they are by all theologians, they express what is of Christian faith in this matter. The golden mean is thus above and between the two errors mentioned at the beginning of this section. By constant fidelity to duty, we avoid the false and idle repose of the. Quietist, and on the other hand by a trustful self-abandonment we are saved from a useless disquiet and a fruitless agitation. Self abandonment would be sloth did it not presuppose this daily fidelity, which indeed is a sort of springboard from which we may safely launch ourselves into the unknown. Daily fidelity to the Divine Will as expressed gives us a sort of right to abandon ourselves completely to the Divine Will of of good pleasure as yet not made known to us.

A faithful soul will often recall to mind these words of our Lord:

“My meat is to do the will of Him that sent me”(John 4: 34).

The soul finds its constant nourishment in the divine will as expressed, abandoning itself to the Divine Will as yet not made known, much as a swimmer supports himself on the passing wave and surrenders himself to the oncoming wave, to that ocean that might engulf him but that actually sustains him. So the soul must strike out toward the open sea, into the infinite ocean of being, says St. John Damascence, borne up by the Divine Will as made known there and then and abandoning itself to that divine will upon which all successive moments of the future depend.

The future is with God, future events are in His hands. If the merchants to whom Joseph was sold by his brethren had passed by one hour sooner, he would not have gone into Egypt, and the whole course of his life would have been changed. Our lives also are dependent on events controlled by God. Daily fidelity and trusting abandonment thus give the spiritual life its balance, its stability and harmony. In this way we live our lives in almost continuous recollection, in an ever-increasing self-abnegation, and these are the conditions normally requited for contemplation and union with God. This, then, is the reason why our life should be one of self-abandonment to the Divine Will as yet unknown to us and at the same time supported every moment by that will as already made known to us.

HT: Catholic Fire & a homeschool friend named Karla

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A Poem for Personal Strength

Did you read my Ah-ha Moment with God a few posts ago? Well, I wrote about a poem on a plaque my parents have had in their home for years. I believe they got it from a fellow deacon friend. Anyways, after my mom read my post, she emailed me the full poem. It is so beautiful and I have always been pondering it as I grew up, but it wasn't until the other day I finally got it. How do you feel when you read it?

After a while you learn the difference,
subtle difference, between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.
And you accept your defeats with your head up and your
eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers,
And you learn that you really can endure,
that you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.

Veronica A. Shoffstall (c) 1971

Love You
Mom & Dad
September 2008

Thanks Mom and Dad!

And God Bless everyone!

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Adoration Thursday Night

As you can see from my posts, I'm struggling with my life and homeschooling. But I'm trying to buck up and take it like a mother. So tonight while in prayer at Adoration, feeling like my soul was so black maybe God couldn't reach me with his words...

He called me to pray the rosary. Mary inspired me to pray without hesitation the Joyful Mysteries. I willingly agreed and began. My daughter, only 6, requested to come with me, so I got her started and then began my own. (She did rather well, but this will not be a regular thing.)

The Joyful Mysteries for Homeschoolers (what I heard)

1. The Annunciation: Mary said yes to be the mother of God, whom she homeschooled and raised the best she could with God's Grace. I too said "yes" to being a mother and homeschooling little soldiers for Christ. So if I said "yes" to His calling for me, how can I have any doubt of my choice? So again, I say "YES." I will teach your little children to know, love and serve you - as you have asked of me.

2. The Visitation: Even Mary needed womanly companionship in her life. Someone to lift her up, and with Elizabeth pregnant also, they could share in those trials together. Homeschool and Stay at home mothers need companionship. It is in God's great design that we share our lives with each other. I am honored to have found a beautiful friend (Jamie) who shares many of my same joys and trials. Someone who lifts me up in my sad times, because she understands and prays for me - as I do for her. The visitation is about companionship, an essential part of happiness with homeschooling.

3. The Birth of Jesus: God's gifts to us are plentiful. When the school day begins, I am called to bring my gifts to my children, just as the 3 kings did. The gifts are my talents, my love and affection, my knowledge, my faith and so much more. I need to bring all that to the table each morning. Give of myself freely to my children to further enrich their lives as well as mine. What we do for them, we do for Jesus.

4. The Presentation: As parents, we need to offer our children up to the Lord. We need to be sure that their lives are lived for Christ, not to fulfill our own wants and shortcomings. We need to present ourselves to our children and be an open book to them. A living example of what they will someday become. Are we being that for them? Am I being a good example for my children? What materials are we presenting to our children - are they fully enriched in the teachings of the church? When they are presented at the gates of heaven, will God be pleased with the way we raised them and how they were taught and disciplined?

5. The Finding of Jesus in the Temple: Our children will stray, it is just in their nature to do so. I need to accept that, and move on. I need to stay calm when they tune me out or have a day where they just would rather play. Isn't that what homeschooling is all about? Flexibility? Why am I having such a hard time being flexible, when that is a big part of the whole plan!? I need to be confident that the Lord has a big hand in all of this, and if I slip, if they slip, whether we mean to or not, God will bring us back on track when the time is right. And I need to remember that they are just children - and I need to refocus my attention on what is truly a necessity and what can wait for another day.

These are just some of the thoughts, probably ramblings to some of you. But I really felt through the thickness of my soul, a soul that is in desperate need of confession, God's voice wtill spoke to me. I had to be still, quiet, and just a few feet away from the Real Presence to hear Him - but I did. He called, and I answered him. Now it is up to me to take heed and start anew.

Tomorrow I feel will be a better day.

Thank the Lord!

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Learning to Sacrifice Week 3: Sleep Deprevation

Very late on this one again due to the school week. Sacrificing my sleep and fun in my day seems to be the theme for me.

This week has been a lot of work for me, you know the one who has never followed a schedule in the past 7 years! The one with the kids that have never been prompted nor encouraged to wake up before 9:30am.

So this next week, I am sacrificing my late night hours and sleeping in for the greater good of my soul. I am waking up and getting to my morning prayers asap. I haven't done this in oh, about 10 years. And I am going to push for a "by 10pm" bedtime.

So lots of changes, lots of things to do, lots of moments where I feel just overwhelmed and starting to freak out a little. I don't know whether this is more work that I expected, or if this is as much work as I knew it would be. I think I'm in denial.

Occasional phases of my days:

1. Denial - "It can't be 7am already!?"

2. Anger - "Stupid alarm song. Might as well be Dawn of the Dead."

3. Bargaining - "I'll just hit snooze one more time."

4. Depression - "I just want to stay in bed forever."

5. Acceptance - "Well, I better get up because there is no use trying to sleep with a crying baby, wreckless toddler, and anxious 1st grader all awake."

1. Denial - "Since when did I become a homeschooler?"
2. Anger - "Breakfast? Just grab a cereal bar!"
3. Bargaining - "If you finish this handwriting page, you can watch Word World."
4. Depression - "Only 5 more minutes until the show is over. Agh!"
5. Acceptance - "I asked for it. I am a mother just like I always wanted to be, so this is the life I chose. Deal with it and consider yourself blessed for having the children and the choice!"

1. Denial - "It's not that late, is it?"

2. Anger - "If only I hadn't spent so much time on the phone and running errands today!"

3. Barganing -"Just read one more blog, than off to bed."

4. Depression - "But I want to read every blog and post on every one. I don't want to be left behind and never catch up. Even if that means less sleep for me."

5. Acceptance - "That's it. I am done. It's 3am and that is just rediculous. My life won't end and be meaningless if I don't read all this tonight."

Good night - or morning rather.

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Serenity Now.

I decided to get a fresh start on myself after sharing in 2 hours of adoration of the Blessed Sacrament with my new best friend, Jamie. Last night we bound our homeschool group's yearbooks from 7-9:30pm, went to adoration from 10-12, then resumed with the yearbooks until 2:30am! What a gal!

Here are my newest realizations:

*Leaving my Michalek Family Blog for family stuff, and using this blog for my deepest thoughts of the day that mostly pertain to myself. I invite you all to subscribe to any of my blogs.

*Taking on a new calm feeling about NOT attending my ten year high school reunion. Why am I getting so worked up about meeting people I haven't been friends with in so long, and will never get together with them again anyways? And most of my freinds aren't going either. First I was going to go, because that's just what you do. Then I found out it would cost well over $100 to go between fees, drinks and babysitting. Being broke I said no. Now with Tom back to work, he said I could go if it meant a lot to me - and after adoration last night, I could say "no" with such ease.

*Approaching my role as a mother and wife at home with a new zeal. Taking on the ways of St. Therese, I will be certain that every little thing I do is for the honor of God, instead of just something I have to do.
>>>"You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them." - St. Therese

*God doesn't make "ugly." I want to approach my weight loss in a graceful way. Knowing that the beauty of the Lord can shine through my outward appearance as a large woman or a healthy size. With this confidence, that I am His beautiful creation, I can simply act in a healthy manner to take care of myself - going to the Lord whenever I struggle.
>>>"What beauty? I don't see my beauty at all; I see only the graces I've received from God." -St. Therese

*I'm recharging my prayer life, starting today!

*"I can do all things through God who strengthens me."

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Today's results

Well, today I was called by my psychologist's office that there was a cancellation which opened up time for her to meet with me. So close to my few days of misery dealing with PMDD (Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder), I decided it would be a good idea.

She commended me on my progress and the good efforts I have made, including joining the gym with a personal trainer, getting out of the house and starting new friendships, among other things. But she is concerned that I might be exhausting myself with all my efforts towards a "normal, fulfilling life." She says that most people don't go this far, because it's just easier to pop the pill and find the same results.

I told her that I truly belive God gave me what I need to survive and make it work, but I do agree it "shouldn't be so challenging" to be normal! So we're giving it another month before we decide if I should seek an alternative medication to help the bubbling thoughts in my loudening mind quite for some time.

Lucky for me, exercise is a good release of serotonin and that the school year is at an end. I will need to take this summer as a long therapy session with plenty of rest, relaxation, and giving myself permission to have quality time to better myself. That can be with massage therapy, reading books, dance lesson dates with my hubby, long walks, writing these blogs, or whatever "floats my boat" these days.

Am I working too hard at this life? I know it could be a lot harder, but for myself - this is at the edge of what I believe I can bear. I am such an emotional person. These bouts of depression have me hanging by a thread, a thread of faith that stretches from me up to God's hand. Yes, somedays it's like He's yo-yoing me around. Testing my depths, boundaries, strength. Just like in the movie, Evan Almighty, where God says - When a person asks for something, does God give it to them, or does he give them opportunities for it to emerge from within us or around us? I've prayed for years on the virtues I need most, including patience and serenity.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

God won't just say, Okay you now have patience. He will give me wild children that have no patience, He will make us wait weeks for the next job to come, He will allow for intense moments in my life. Then I will have to teach patience, wait, trust, and find peace and serenity.

So here I am hanging on a string of uncertainty, never knowing when He's going to pull or push me. So I pray, pray and pray some more. I drag myself out of bed with a mantra "remember what you are doing this for." What do I remember? It's my eternity, my husband, my children, and others who depend on my existence.

I read today that we must remember that God gave us this gift of life - we only get once chance at it, so we better give it our best effort now otherwise or later may be much worse.

The more I teach my children about our beautiful and flawless Catholic faith, the more I come to understand all that I had once just obeyed unknowingly. I am learning right along with my young ones about what I've spent my life defending. That is why I still believe so strongly that anyone who leaves this faith, never knew what they had to begin with. How GREAT it is. And that is also why those who have converted to Catholicism are so "into it." Why? Because they studied it and saw everything that we Cradle Catholics have taken for granted. So I study. So I continue to believe, and find new reasons why I should. So I teach it to my children so that they too can believe, live the faith, and come to a "second conversion." A conversion where upbringing meets purpose.

I have a purpose.
To know, to love, and to serve God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
Anything beyond that is extracurricular activities! ;-)

So here's to each and everyday we try to just be normal. May we find our path that God laid out for us, and find courage accept it's twists and turns, hills and holes. But still the only way that leads us back to Him.

Always praying for all of you - friend or foe.
Melissa

Are you fat?

Took this out of curiosity, but full of useless ads!

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