Distracted

Notes from Adoration April 19, 2018 6:30-9pm

I opened in prayers of thanksgiving and praise. Personal and friends intentions followed. One hour was dedicated to my parents celebrating 40 years of marriage, for their marriage, their needs, and intentions they hold in their hearts.
The first thought that entered my mind was the song, You Raise Me Up as sung by Josh Groban. I always knew the chorus, but never paid attention to the first verse until now. Jesus speaks to me, and in a clear, strong voice he let me know I needed to attend perpetual adoration and that there I would find healing for my sorrows.

Song: YOU RAISE ME UP by Josh Groban (https://youtu.be/cXtcc5mgKTA)

When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

Then my heart seemed to slow and I internally sang

Down in Adoration bowing.... though my feeble senses fail.

ME: Help me to see you in my everyday. Help me to see the world through your eye, Jesus. Holy Spirit give me the words to speak so that they hear you. There are so many distractions. Help me filter them out to the things that are necessary - good - holy.

You told me six months ago (when our 5yo son died) to come talk to you specifically in "Perpetual Adoration," quite adamantly. I have come before. I am here, excitedly awaiting to hear you again. In the still of the night.

(Gazing upon the monstrance) Even the truest believers have doubted your presence. Jesus, I trust in you.

A blank slate, a fresh start. I'd like that. A new beginning, that "new normal" they talk about. Each day i can have that. But it's me, not you, that won't let go of the failures of my past. You've forgiven me of my shortcomings and errors and sin. You are almighty and all merciful. Why do I struggle so much to offer that to myself?

Again I'm reminded of what Eddie said to me in an Awakening after his passing:
Everyone needs to forgive themselves.

JESUS: (He speaks to me in a continuous thought, where my mind is blank except for the words I write down. Invoking the Holy Spirit, I know these words to be solely His and not my thoughts.)

I roar like a Lion, but am not heard.
I stand before you, but you do not kneel.
My face looks lovingly upon you, but you do not feel my love.
You are deaf, you are blind, you are prideful, you are lost.
How can you see what I see, unless you are:
Still and listen;
Kneel before your Maker;
Search for me in your life;
Open your eyes to my grace;
Know that I love you.
You are mine, my child. How could I not love you? 
You understand the heart of a parent. As you grow older in wisdom, you begin to understand what your parents did, taught, said. So too you will come to understand me and my ways, as you grow in wisdom. Your experiences are all for good if you seek me in them.

  BE MY WITNESS in the darkness that overshadows. DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY. Do not linger in this world, for it has NOTHING to offer you. Time is not to be wasted on the oppressive mechanisms the world offers you in abundance. [In order to judge if it's worthy of your time]:
1. Is it worthy of MY time?
2. Where am I, your God, in it?
3. Can anything be reconciled [in my name] there?
4. Is it for the Greater Good?
5. Are they listening, or passing by?

  Great is my love for you! Don't hesitate to share it. But be weary of the snares and devices that draw you into darkness and cloud your mind. It inhibits you from meeting your potential. You can offer so much more... in my name... in this time.

ME: How can I show them?

JESUS: Be. Live. Love. Adore. Witness in all aspects of your life. Be who THEY NEED, not what you want to give. Witness Christianity in its fullness.

ME: What about Catholicism?

JESUS: It's a tool, a means, a way. A way to seek out grace. It fulfills what I had spoken and shared with my friends. It is meant for ALL.  But only a few will come. Even fewer will understand. Because what they seek is not what it offers.

ME: What do you offer in your Church?

JESUS: 

Grace - to heal, to love, to live. 
Being - a place to be greater than yourself. 
Plot - I have a story to tell. 
Mystery - you won't understand it all. 
Fervent - prayer unending 
Witness - to my love for you in the passion. 
Trinity - SomeONE who cares greatly about His child.

ME: Thank you so much for this wisdom. I hope that I can honor you and be worthy of such a gift. I am trying, I know I fail daily to meet my potential. I ask for the grace to be the woman you need me to be. I feel your love around me. It is as if what matters in life has changed. I want to bring others with me, hand in hand. But they are not all on this same path. Do I bring them here, go there, or reach and stretch?

JESUS: YOU BUILD BRIDGES. With understanding where they are. They will come when they are ready.

I DO NOT ASK THAT YOU PULL. I ASK THAT YOU SHOW THE WAY.

ME: Yes Lord, I hear you! You amaze me still, and I want to come to your more often. You impart so much wisdom. You roar, you speak, you love. Help me to spread your words and love. I am a simple servant. Make my life worthy of your grace.

(A moment of silence, followed by angelic tongue I have spoken in the spirit before, but am never able to understand or interpret. I simply wrote down to the best of my ability the words I heard.)

Dona nobis pacem En ora pro nobis mater inglesia por tu en la dadicio frerat. Las Laertes nuero quartes empartica soon fuerve. Con cartes las fuentes offer mercio.

ME: Is it you, Lord God, with who I am speaking? (I went on to doodle in silence an image of the monstrance. I felt confused that I would be given words that I could not understand. I figured I'd give it an online search later, and hope it was more than gibberish.)


JESUS: I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS WITH ME.

(I am very humbled by this.)

ME: I want to soak in words written by others, but your words in the Bible must come first. Guide me, Father, to the message you have just for me. Impart on me your wisdom.

(At first, my bookmark drew my page to open at Psalm 33. At the top of the page I have written "God Sees Me.")

PSALM 33
4-5 For the Lord's word is upright. All his works are trustworthy. He loves justice and right. The earth is full of the mercy of the Lord. (TRUST GOD)
10-11 The Lord foils the plan of nations, frustrates the designs of peoples. But the plan of the Lord stands forever, the designs of his heart through all generations. (HE HAS A PLAN)
14-15 From his dwelling place he surveys all who dwell on earth. The one who fashioned together their hearts is the one who knows all their works. ( HE SEES US. WHAT WE DO MATTERS.)
20-22 ...He is our help and sheild. May your Mercy, Lord, be upon us as we put our hope in you. (TRUST THAT HE WILL HELP YOU)

(I was then drawn to the book of Jonah.)

JONAH 2: 8-10
When I became faint, I remembered the Lord. My prayer came to you in your holy temple. Those who worship worthless idols abandon their hope for mercy. But I, with thankful voice, will sacrifice to you. What i have vowed I will pay. Deliverance is from the Lord.

(There was a reference in this scripture to look to Psalm 50.)

PSALM 50:14-15
Offer praise as your sacrifice to God; fulfill your vows to the Most High. Then call on me on the day of distress; I will rescue you, and you shall honor me.

ME: It is truly amazing what you have to offer us: Your word; your mercy; your love; your self. Thank you, God.

SONG: LET ME BE YOUR SERVANT by David Haas  (https://youtu.be/MYpH3y4608E)

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you
In the night time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the the peace you long to hear.

 I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

SONG: YAHWEH I KNOW YOU ARE NEAR by Dan Schutte (https://youtu.be/_Uge74xLmg0)
(I have the image on this music video on my wall, that I put up after our son died. It has brought me great comfort.)

Yahweh, I know you are near,
standing always at my side.
You guard me from the foe,
and you lead me in ways everlasting.
Lord, you have searched my heart,
and you know when I sit and when I stand.
Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,
keeping me from harm.

Where can I run from Your love?
If I climb to the heavens You are there;
If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,
still I'd find You there.

You know my heart and its ways,
you who formed me before I was born
in the secret of darkness before I saw the sun
in my mother's womb.

Marvelous to me are Your works;
how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord.
Even if I could count them, they number as the stars,
You would still be there.

**Then I read awhile from a book about meeting our loved ones in Heaven. Shortly after I went home. After working putting my uncertain words into google translate and searching the meaning of words I thought were just gibberish, I came to the conclusion that this is the translation of what was spoken to me in angelic language (speaking in tongues.)

Grant us peace.
We will pray for your mother church, for your deliverance as promised ironclad. The Gatherer of The People's new quarters empathize, soon favor. With plan. The Source (or The Fountain) offers thanks.

Overall I find it rather profound that the messages, passages and foreign words given to me in this couple hours of Adoration have revealed to me a theme unknown to me until after I had reviewed it later. I believe it is this:

When we are weary in sorrow, we cannot heal on our own. We NEED Adoration (time spent in the presence of God), where He will reveal to us how to heal. We are a distracted people, especially by man-made devices. He loves us profoundly, but we do not hear nor see him, because of these distractions we allow. All experiences that are hard in our lives, we tend to use these devices as an escape from reality. But He is saying that it is those experiences that will reveal to us our purpose. We need to make a choice to turn away from the distractions that hold us back from our potential. Do whatever is necessary. Then, we need to find the tools that strengthen us and make us a better disciple of Christ. We need to be a witness to this change so others can reach their potential. We need to be what the world so desperately needs, and not just what we want to offer it. The Catholic Church is a tool that offers grace to meet our potential, but so often people are searching for other pleasures or distractions, they cannot see the good he offers in His Church. How do we draw people to His Church? By building bridges, not by force nor by instilling fear or guilt. Show them the way, lead by example, and invite them gently. God is always with us, guiding us through His Holy Spirit. All goodness within us, believers or not, comes from God. We need to learn to Trust Him and His plan. The actions we take matter to Him, and He will help us meet our potential. Hope and Mercy lie in the sacrifices we make, including getting rid of the idols/distractions/devices in our lives that are not worthy. Your sacrifices praise and honor God. Be His servant, and he will take the journey with you. He is always near you. Are you always with God? All of Heaven prays for us that we will be delivered from this world as promised. He feels our suffering, and He has a plan. The Source of all that is good offers His thanks for spending this time with Him.

***
You can read more of my experiences on my personal journey with God on this Growing in Grace blog. I offer many Catholic family resources on my blog Homegrown Catholics. I also witness about our homeschooling journey at my St Brigid's Academy blog. If you find inspiration through Facebook like I do, you can follow me at www.facebook.com/HomegrownCatholics/

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Is it Vanity or Grace

 

While looking for a Bible verse for a completely different thought, I came upon this reading that touches on the pursuit of happiness in this life. It helped me answer: What is a gift from God and What is vanity? It all comes down the decision to live a life consumed in discipleship, or a life lived for ourselves. Which will you choose?

In pleasing God, we find grace, but if we displease Him we find ourselves laboring for others. Yes, there is work to be done to live, but how we do it and our reasons why determine its fruits.

 Ecclesiastes 2:22-26
   "For what profit comes to mortals from all the toil and anxiety of heart with which ...they toil under the sun? Every day sorrow and grief are their occupation; even at night their hearts are not at rest. This also is vanity.
   There is nothing better for mortals than to eat and drink and provide themselves with good things from their toil. Even this, I saw, is from the hand of God. For who can eat or drink apart from God? For to the one who pleases God, he gives wisdom and knowledge and joy; but to the one who displeases, God gives the task of gathering possessions for the one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a chase after wind."

I have been pondering this awhile, while I groom my home with draperies and gardens. Where is the point where you deny yourself comforts? Where do simple pleasures become vanities? How can we determine if our happiness is fruits of grace from our hard work and good deeds? The answers have been given so beautifully in the Bible - Seek and you shall find!

Matthew 16:24-27
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds.'"

 

“The soul is torn apart in a painful condition as long as it prefers the eternal because of its Truth but does not discard the temporal because of familiarity.”
― Augustine of Hippo, Confessions    

Mark 12:41-44 The Widow's Offering
He sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the crowd putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums.  A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which are worth a penny.  Then he called his disciples and said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury.  For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Have you been chosen to work for the Lord in any aspect of your life? What are we owed for our works and laboring? Nothing. God owes humanity nothing - yet he freely gives us the gifts of grace, mercy and love. Grace saves us and blesses us, but is given to those who have faith AND live a life exemplifying that faith with good works.

Genesis 3:16-19 Punishment of Adam and Eve
  To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

  And to the man he said,“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree bout which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

 

Ephesians 2:1-10 By Grace you are Saved!

  You were dead through the trespasses and sins in which you once lived, following the course of this world, following the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work among those who are disobedient.  All of us once lived among them in the passions of our flesh, following the desires of flesh and senses, and we were by nature children of wrath, like everyone else.  But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us  even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved — and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,  so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God—  not the result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.

 

James 2:14-26 Faith AND Deeds

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says,“Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.



What can be our reward, if not in this life?

Matthew 5:1-12 The Beatitudes
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him.  Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Not everyone catches on and becomes a Christian or Disciple right away. What of them? Is there hope for the stragglers?

Matthew 20:1-16 The Laborers in the Vineyard
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard.   After agreeing with the laborers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace;  and he said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.  When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same.  And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, ‘Why are you standing here idle all day?’  They said to him, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard.’ 
  When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.’  When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you.  Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
 
What if I'm not ready to give up my treasures, my pleasures, my vanity?
  What is Vanity?
"Or vainglory, an inordinate desire to manifest one's own excellence. It differs from pride, which is the uncontrolled esrie for self-esteem, in that vanity primarily seeks to show others what a person has or has achieved. A vain person looks for praise from others and may go to great lengths to obtain it. More commonly, vanity is associated with an exaggerated importance attached to multiple details, especially external appearances, which in no way contain the value attributed to them. It is ostentation in fashion, wealth, or power regarded as an occasion of empty pride. thus where pride, though sinful, may have some foundation in fact for whatever one prides oneself on being or having done, vanity is the idle effort to obtain recognition or respect for what a person does not have a rightful claim to. Vanity is attributed to shams, which lack substance and are deceitful (like human praise); or to things without solidity and permanence (such as physical beauty); or to means that fail in their purpose (such as vaunting one's own reputation). It is an inflated pride and, as such, is venially sinful. " - by Catholic Culture
It is desirable to attribute all success to the Glory of God!

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

Is there anything in your life that holds you down?
Does it put your family into deep debt?
Does it place a façade over who you really are?
Can you live without it?
Does it prevent you from being charitable or available to others?
Will it help you become the person God wants you to be?

Ephesisans 5:15-17
Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise,  making the most of the time, because the days are evil.  So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

In conclusion, vanity is when we need our possessions and pride in order to live. Vanity seeks to make tangible things gods - which is against God's commandments. It consumes our days, taking us away from Godly tasks and holy relationships. We'd  be willing to sin or make life difficult to have these things.  Vanity can destroy our path to holiness! However, grace is finding the beauty in our humility, our blessings, our sacrifices, and ourselves. Grace is a gift given to us that opens our eyes to see as God sees. With grace, the things we possess enhance our livelihood and God's creation. Grace is forgiving, fruitful, and selfless. Who wouldn't want grace!?

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