Distracted

Notes from Adoration April 19, 2018 6:30-9pm

I opened in prayers of thanksgiving and praise. Personal and friends intentions followed. One hour was dedicated to my parents celebrating 40 years of marriage, for their marriage, their needs, and intentions they hold in their hearts.
The first thought that entered my mind was the song, You Raise Me Up as sung by Josh Groban. I always knew the chorus, but never paid attention to the first verse until now. Jesus speaks to me, and in a clear, strong voice he let me know I needed to attend perpetual adoration and that there I would find healing for my sorrows.

Song: YOU RAISE ME UP by Josh Groban (https://youtu.be/cXtcc5mgKTA)

When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

Then my heart seemed to slow and I internally sang

Down in Adoration bowing.... though my feeble senses fail.

ME: Help me to see you in my everyday. Help me to see the world through your eye, Jesus. Holy Spirit give me the words to speak so that they hear you. There are so many distractions. Help me filter them out to the things that are necessary - good - holy.

You told me six months ago (when our 5yo son died) to come talk to you specifically in "Perpetual Adoration," quite adamantly. I have come before. I am here, excitedly awaiting to hear you again. In the still of the night.

(Gazing upon the monstrance) Even the truest believers have doubted your presence. Jesus, I trust in you.

A blank slate, a fresh start. I'd like that. A new beginning, that "new normal" they talk about. Each day i can have that. But it's me, not you, that won't let go of the failures of my past. You've forgiven me of my shortcomings and errors and sin. You are almighty and all merciful. Why do I struggle so much to offer that to myself?

Again I'm reminded of what Eddie said to me in an Awakening after his passing:
Everyone needs to forgive themselves.

JESUS: (He speaks to me in a continuous thought, where my mind is blank except for the words I write down. Invoking the Holy Spirit, I know these words to be solely His and not my thoughts.)

I roar like a Lion, but am not heard.
I stand before you, but you do not kneel.
My face looks lovingly upon you, but you do not feel my love.
You are deaf, you are blind, you are prideful, you are lost.
How can you see what I see, unless you are:
Still and listen;
Kneel before your Maker;
Search for me in your life;
Open your eyes to my grace;
Know that I love you.
You are mine, my child. How could I not love you? 
You understand the heart of a parent. As you grow older in wisdom, you begin to understand what your parents did, taught, said. So too you will come to understand me and my ways, as you grow in wisdom. Your experiences are all for good if you seek me in them.

  BE MY WITNESS in the darkness that overshadows. DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY. Do not linger in this world, for it has NOTHING to offer you. Time is not to be wasted on the oppressive mechanisms the world offers you in abundance. [In order to judge if it's worthy of your time]:
1. Is it worthy of MY time?
2. Where am I, your God, in it?
3. Can anything be reconciled [in my name] there?
4. Is it for the Greater Good?
5. Are they listening, or passing by?

  Great is my love for you! Don't hesitate to share it. But be weary of the snares and devices that draw you into darkness and cloud your mind. It inhibits you from meeting your potential. You can offer so much more... in my name... in this time.

ME: How can I show them?

JESUS: Be. Live. Love. Adore. Witness in all aspects of your life. Be who THEY NEED, not what you want to give. Witness Christianity in its fullness.

ME: What about Catholicism?

JESUS: It's a tool, a means, a way. A way to seek out grace. It fulfills what I had spoken and shared with my friends. It is meant for ALL.  But only a few will come. Even fewer will understand. Because what they seek is not what it offers.

ME: What do you offer in your Church?

JESUS: 

Grace - to heal, to love, to live. 
Being - a place to be greater than yourself. 
Plot - I have a story to tell. 
Mystery - you won't understand it all. 
Fervent - prayer unending 
Witness - to my love for you in the passion. 
Trinity - SomeONE who cares greatly about His child.

ME: Thank you so much for this wisdom. I hope that I can honor you and be worthy of such a gift. I am trying, I know I fail daily to meet my potential. I ask for the grace to be the woman you need me to be. I feel your love around me. It is as if what matters in life has changed. I want to bring others with me, hand in hand. But they are not all on this same path. Do I bring them here, go there, or reach and stretch?

JESUS: YOU BUILD BRIDGES. With understanding where they are. They will come when they are ready.

I DO NOT ASK THAT YOU PULL. I ASK THAT YOU SHOW THE WAY.

ME: Yes Lord, I hear you! You amaze me still, and I want to come to your more often. You impart so much wisdom. You roar, you speak, you love. Help me to spread your words and love. I am a simple servant. Make my life worthy of your grace.

(A moment of silence, followed by angelic tongue I have spoken in the spirit before, but am never able to understand or interpret. I simply wrote down to the best of my ability the words I heard.)

Dona nobis pacem En ora pro nobis mater inglesia por tu en la dadicio frerat. Las Laertes nuero quartes empartica soon fuerve. Con cartes las fuentes offer mercio.

ME: Is it you, Lord God, with who I am speaking? (I went on to doodle in silence an image of the monstrance. I felt confused that I would be given words that I could not understand. I figured I'd give it an online search later, and hope it was more than gibberish.)


JESUS: I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS WITH ME.

(I am very humbled by this.)

ME: I want to soak in words written by others, but your words in the Bible must come first. Guide me, Father, to the message you have just for me. Impart on me your wisdom.

(At first, my bookmark drew my page to open at Psalm 33. At the top of the page I have written "God Sees Me.")

PSALM 33
4-5 For the Lord's word is upright. All his works are trustworthy. He loves justice and right. The earth is full of the mercy of the Lord. (TRUST GOD)
10-11 The Lord foils the plan of nations, frustrates the designs of peoples. But the plan of the Lord stands forever, the designs of his heart through all generations. (HE HAS A PLAN)
14-15 From his dwelling place he surveys all who dwell on earth. The one who fashioned together their hearts is the one who knows all their works. ( HE SEES US. WHAT WE DO MATTERS.)
20-22 ...He is our help and sheild. May your Mercy, Lord, be upon us as we put our hope in you. (TRUST THAT HE WILL HELP YOU)

(I was then drawn to the book of Jonah.)

JONAH 2: 8-10
When I became faint, I remembered the Lord. My prayer came to you in your holy temple. Those who worship worthless idols abandon their hope for mercy. But I, with thankful voice, will sacrifice to you. What i have vowed I will pay. Deliverance is from the Lord.

(There was a reference in this scripture to look to Psalm 50.)

PSALM 50:14-15
Offer praise as your sacrifice to God; fulfill your vows to the Most High. Then call on me on the day of distress; I will rescue you, and you shall honor me.

ME: It is truly amazing what you have to offer us: Your word; your mercy; your love; your self. Thank you, God.

SONG: LET ME BE YOUR SERVANT by David Haas  (https://youtu.be/MYpH3y4608E)

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you
In the night time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the the peace you long to hear.

 I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

SONG: YAHWEH I KNOW YOU ARE NEAR by Dan Schutte (https://youtu.be/_Uge74xLmg0)
(I have the image on this music video on my wall, that I put up after our son died. It has brought me great comfort.)

Yahweh, I know you are near,
standing always at my side.
You guard me from the foe,
and you lead me in ways everlasting.
Lord, you have searched my heart,
and you know when I sit and when I stand.
Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,
keeping me from harm.

Where can I run from Your love?
If I climb to the heavens You are there;
If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,
still I'd find You there.

You know my heart and its ways,
you who formed me before I was born
in the secret of darkness before I saw the sun
in my mother's womb.

Marvelous to me are Your works;
how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord.
Even if I could count them, they number as the stars,
You would still be there.

**Then I read awhile from a book about meeting our loved ones in Heaven. Shortly after I went home. After working putting my uncertain words into google translate and searching the meaning of words I thought were just gibberish, I came to the conclusion that this is the translation of what was spoken to me in angelic language (speaking in tongues.)

Grant us peace.
We will pray for your mother church, for your deliverance as promised ironclad. The Gatherer of The People's new quarters empathize, soon favor. With plan. The Source (or The Fountain) offers thanks.

Overall I find it rather profound that the messages, passages and foreign words given to me in this couple hours of Adoration have revealed to me a theme unknown to me until after I had reviewed it later. I believe it is this:

When we are weary in sorrow, we cannot heal on our own. We NEED Adoration (time spent in the presence of God), where He will reveal to us how to heal. We are a distracted people, especially by man-made devices. He loves us profoundly, but we do not hear nor see him, because of these distractions we allow. All experiences that are hard in our lives, we tend to use these devices as an escape from reality. But He is saying that it is those experiences that will reveal to us our purpose. We need to make a choice to turn away from the distractions that hold us back from our potential. Do whatever is necessary. Then, we need to find the tools that strengthen us and make us a better disciple of Christ. We need to be a witness to this change so others can reach their potential. We need to be what the world so desperately needs, and not just what we want to offer it. The Catholic Church is a tool that offers grace to meet our potential, but so often people are searching for other pleasures or distractions, they cannot see the good he offers in His Church. How do we draw people to His Church? By building bridges, not by force nor by instilling fear or guilt. Show them the way, lead by example, and invite them gently. God is always with us, guiding us through His Holy Spirit. All goodness within us, believers or not, comes from God. We need to learn to Trust Him and His plan. The actions we take matter to Him, and He will help us meet our potential. Hope and Mercy lie in the sacrifices we make, including getting rid of the idols/distractions/devices in our lives that are not worthy. Your sacrifices praise and honor God. Be His servant, and he will take the journey with you. He is always near you. Are you always with God? All of Heaven prays for us that we will be delivered from this world as promised. He feels our suffering, and He has a plan. The Source of all that is good offers His thanks for spending this time with Him.

***
You can read more of my experiences on my personal journey with God on this Growing in Grace blog. I offer many Catholic family resources on my blog Homegrown Catholics. I also witness about our homeschooling journey at my St Brigid's Academy blog. If you find inspiration through Facebook like I do, you can follow me at www.facebook.com/HomegrownCatholics/

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Holy Week Factual Studies

THURSDAY: The Last Supper

 

 

 

Maunday Thursday

The Holy Eucharist Documentation

Eucharistic Miracles

 

 

The Lamb’s Supper by Dr. Scott Hahn

 

 

FRIDAY: The Passion of Jesus Christ

The Passion in full medical detail

 

 

 

Movie: The Passion of the Christ

 

 

The Removal of the Body of Jesus from the Cross

SATURDAY: A Test of Faith

Living through Holy Saturday: A Reflection on Times of Uncertainty

 

Real Discoveries’ The Garden Tomb of Jesus

 

Discovery Channel’s The Lost Tomb of Jesus (You Tube)

 

Evidence that says it is not the tomb

 

SUNDAY: Where did He go? He rose, but didn’t leave right away…

 

 

Easter to Pentecost – A 50 day journey 

(Children’s activity)

 

The Shroud of Turin, what was left in the tomb

(Shroud website 2, website 3, website 4)

[Most Likely] The Holy Face of Jesus

 

 

My dad, a Deacon in the Catholic Church, sings this every Easter Vigil. It is the Exsultet. I have fond memories practicing it with him, as well as assisting with the Stations of the Cross during Lent.

Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King, is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!
Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes for ever!
Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Savior shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God's people!
[My dearest friends, standing with me in this holy light,
join me in asking God for mercy,
that he may give his unworthy minister
grace to sing his Easter praises.]
[V. The Lord be with you.
R. And also with you.]
V. Lift up your hearts.
R. We lift them up to the Lord.
V. Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
R. It is right to give him thanks and praise.
It is truly right
that with full hearts and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father,
and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.
For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam's sin
to our eternal Father!
This is our passover feast,
when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.
This is the night when first you saved our fathers:
you freed the people of Israel from their slavery
and led them dry-shod through the sea.
This is the night when the pillar of fire
destroyed the darkness of sin!
This is the night when Christians everywhere,
washed clean of sin
and freed from all defilement,
are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.
This is the night when Jesus Christ
broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant from the grave.
What good would life have been to us,
had Christ not come as our Redeemer?
Father, how wonderful your care for us!
How boundless your merciful love!
To ransom a slave
you gave away your Son.
O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam,
which gained for us so great a Redeemer!
Most blessed of all nights, chosen by God
to see Christ rising from the dead!
Of this night scripture says:
"The night will be as clear as day:
it will become my light, my joy."
The power of this holy night
dispels all evil, washes guilt away,
restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace, and humbles earthly pride.
Night truly blessed when heaven is wedded to earth
and man is reconciled with God!
Therefore, heavenly Father, in the joy of this night,
receive our evening sacrifice of praise,
your Church's solemn offering.
Accept this Easter candle,
a flame divided but undimmed,
a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.
Let it mingle with the lights of heaven
and continue bravely burning
to dispel the darkness of this night!
May the morning Star which never sets find this flame
still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star, who came back from the dead,
and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,
your Son who lives and reigns for ever and ever.
R. Amen.

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Things happen for a reason.

Hello readers. It appears there are more of you than I knew about. A so-so blog has turned into a hot topic link among family and friends, and some aquaintences. While it is nice to see that I have more readers, some who just choose not to comment until it affects them personally, it brings me to that point so many of you fellow bloggers have been at one time or another. You will never forget that post you made, when you got some comments or calls you weren't expecting and wish you never got??? Sound familiar? Then when you're already feeling bummed out, you have to decide if your blog is worth keeping. You have to decide whether to respond or delete. I'm there.

Most of you know that I have a family blog, where I post about family tips, and things that are happening with my family. It keeps our friends and family updated on our everyday things, and connects me to other mom's who are like-minded. It's a good thing.

So when I started feeling like journaling more about touchy subjects, like politics and religion, I figured I better keep that blogging separate from my family. This Growing in Grace blog has developed into a place where I can share silly MEMEs, interesting articles or videos worth sharing, and discussions I care about as a faithful Catholic. It's very personal.

A few weeks ago I realized that I enjoyed sharing more hot topics, because it brought readers and comments I was looking for. While reading other blogs, I saw there was a demand for blogs about living the faith in the public eye. So last week I decided to share a personal experience and how I was currently dealing with it.

I do admit, even though at the time I thought I was being vague, I was told yesterday that I gave enough detail to stir up ill emotions and cause some unexpected discussions to arise from those mentioned in the post. I have gone through the post the best I can to create anonymity for those people, without deleting it completely. It contains good points and things I want to share. My dad explained that politics and religious truths are already in the public eye and open for discussion complete with names, but I need to be careful not to publicize opinion nor fact about those in my private connections (or something like that), which may hurt them. So excuse me for stepping on toes that were put in my path. You'll either have to avoid my path, or rest assured that I'll keep your name/identity more private in the future.

So what's all this fuss about?

Well, I have put myself on the line to help others and find help from others. I have opened the pages of my life, the knowledge in my brain, and the understanding the Holy Spirit has bestowed upon me. Because of this, I have been hurt badly. I knew it was coming, and I promised God I would take with a grain of salt.

Sadly, my depresssion has elevated, possibly due to pregnancy hormones, but worse than before no matter how. I will never reach complete hopelessness, because I have God in my life. He alone has pulled me through each and every bottomed out moment. Yes, there have been many. Sometime God pulls me through it with His voice, or that of my husband's or dear friends and family. Yes, you must believe that God works on his own, AND through others. I often feel the presence of God urging me to do his work for others. It's funny how people love it until it challenges them to make a change in THEIR life.

In the midst of my dispair, I have found the TRUTH and the LIGHT and HOPE. It is God as the Blessed Trinity, which has shown me the real way to live with purpose. Of course, I am not perfect in my personal efforts towards sanctifying grace, I slip and fall, but unlike some others in my "private connections," I get back up and keep following. I DO find ways to strengthen myself, such as through the Catholic Eucharist, confession, bible study, and frienships which nuture this path. I DO NOT find ways to compromise my faith to feel better about my wrong decisions. I DO NOT stray from my faith and find another one that makes me feel better about the life I want. Because GOD'S WILL is so much better than my own. And that's a proven fact.

> This issue began with a post about disturbing truths about our President and his administration, and concern for those who support him regardless. We hoped to inform. We hoped for a respectful discussion. Instead we got rejected, bombarded with hatred for OUR beliefs and facts shared, ignored than ridiculed, and expected to reply in a nice, submissive and compromising way. Who the heck do you think we are? A bunch of gullable idiots who were raised by imbisuls? Quite the contrary. I am not sorry, I have not changed my opinon on the matter, and will not waiver on my faith for anyone.

I WILL NOT agree to disagree, or simply try to "understand" those who are following the wrong path. That is the most wimped out excuse to pretend and divert from the TRUTH. The friend I wrote about in my last post, who hurt me deeply and wants me to just turn this into a

"...success story where you could have then shared a beautiful outcome of
forgiveness and understanding"

She wrote "that the issues of the present and the past have been posted for the world to see before [I have] even taken the opportunity to discuss feelings with" her. Which is absurd, since a few weeks ago I tried to discuss this and got the silent treatment and the discussion was deleted and never readdressed privately."

She doesn't understand that even though her compromises in life which have separated us, and the bitterness of her family towards mine, a "beautiful outcome" has already been reached - she just can't see it. She needs to know I have already forgiven her over and over again, and do again today for the ways she has hurt me, how she turned her back on me and her faith. That I understand that she has been manipulated by others and her worldly thoughts away from the faith that she could have embraced, and hopefully someday will. I still see potential in her, and will continue to pray for her. But due to my own human frailty, I cannot resolve this all now. The beautiful outcome is that I continue to hold no grudges, even though I am serverly bruised by her and her family's actions.

With regards to others that were mentioned, some took it well and others not. The addition of those paragraphs about others were meant to emphasize the condition I am in. To let readers understand that it is not just this one incident that brings me down in despair. It is interesting that some have insisted in being a part of my life, yet want little to do with the part of me that cares for them back. It leaves me feeling used. I think I've made amends with those two particular people and there is some understanding of where we're both coming from.

Why do I tend to burden myself with such things?

I care too much? (especially about how people feel about me) Someone once wrote in my yearbook: "Melissa, you're too nice." What the heck does that mean? I didn't realize my concern for others was such a burden. I didn't realize that my love and hope for the prosperity of human kind was overreaching.

It is built into my nature to care more than most. To contemplate more than most. To feel personally attacked, when others can brush it off. A small portion of it is neurological, and will be numbed (treated) with medication after the baby is born. The kind of meds that make me not care as much, yet never get rid of the situations. Most of these feelings are a constant yearning and desire to help others, as embedded in my heart by God from the moment I was concieved. To deny this, is to deny God's will for me. To let go of it would be selfish. And to follow through with it to the full extent that God asks of all of us, is really a dying to myself. How did I come to this conclusion, you ask? Through gifts of the Holy Spirit, and enlightened by my current study of the book "Courageous Love" as I've written about before. The book really calls you to action.


SO UNTIL I AM PAST THIS SADNESS:

I will be consoling myself in God's love. I will be detaining my compelling desire to share my concerns and advice with others close to me. I am asking God to lift this cross, as it is too much to bear at this time. OR that He will show me how this fits into my path. I will gladly accept the other crosses I bear on a daily basis, per His instructions to me last Thursday night in adoration. To care for my children and household first. And I will gladly pick up that heavy cross with love and charity again when my soul is mended.

Last night I curled into bed around 5pm again, like last week. I was so overraught with concern and sadness, as well as physical pain from my shoulders and hips. My husband set up this week an at home massage with my usual people, and told me it was all taken care of. He ran over to Applebees to calm my craving for an Oriental Chicken Salad. Then cleaned up and put the kids to bed. He is so sweet and understanding. He is Christ-like to me every day, even when it seems like too much for him to bear. I guess I'm his Cross.

GOD SPEAKS: A REVELATION

Of course I turned on the boob tube, and watched AFV and That 70s Show for a good laugh, then Medium for a thrill. Anything to take my mind of how I felt. But then it came time for my usual reruns of Scrubs, which I watch almost every night. Well, this one (watch it here) actually spoke to me. The focus was on this head nurse who always talks about her faith in Jesus, who states that even bad things happen for a reason. And amidst this "wow" moment of mine, the nurse even quoted:

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE CONCERNED?

What I need is respect and love from those who are in my circle. I ask that you continue with your positive encouragement and suggestions. They have indeed been very helpful. Here are some of my favorites...

"you have to let people love you, like, or hate you the way they want - it stinks sometimes, but at least it's authentic... ...do what is right and so what if you don't ever see or taste any fruits of your labors. You have to trust that He is tilling the fields for you"

"Our beliefs should be strongly and loyally held, otherwise why have them?!"

"I know that when my own personal pray life is in order, as well as my family’s prayer life…I am more successful in situations like these. ...when all this confrontation was happening to me, I figured this was a nudge from the Lord to deepen MY own relationship with him."

St. Theresa's Prayer (I recieved in an email today):

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

Something I once wrote which connects with last weekend's gospel reading:
Jesus touched the lepers, talked to them, healed them. It was contrary to what others had ever done. Contrary to the worldly view that politics and religion should be a private matter and unspeakable amongst friends... God is calling many of us followers to share his message on the issues that should matter to everyone - not just Catholics!

Thank you to all who took the time to read this long post. I hope it will clear the air, and help you see what I envision for this blog. I hope it will inspire you to pray to step up to what God is calling you to do with your life, and BE NOT AFRAID because God is present in every moment. And in a moment of dispair, realize that even then blessings can come forth - because God wills it to be so!

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Illuminating Mysteries

While praying the Mysteries of Light last Thursday in Adoration, I noticed a trend in affirmation of my earlier thoughts and the need for the Sacraments. Read along and open your heart to the Guidance of the Holy Spirit incase he has a message for you too.

1. Christ's Baptism in the Jordan

a. We are to set an example of ourselves, as Jesus did that day.

b. The Sacrament of Baptism is especially necessary to enter Heaven, and also to be able to move from having a life to living it for a greater purpose.

2. The Wedding at Cana

a. Even Mary says, "Listen to my son." She directs attention to Him, and in that moment he "grows up" and becomes the man we know Him as.

b. This also time reflects on the Sacrament of Marriage and the respect it deserves.

3. Proclamation of the Kingdom

a. There is a purpose to our lives and there is a greater cause to live for... That by being faithful, we will someday enjoy the fruits of our labor (as demended to us by God in Genesis) in Heaven. And this mystical place is open to anyone who wants it and works towards it.

b. This emphasizes out need for living out God's Commandments and His Will for us.

c. This call may include the Sacrament of Holy Orders, in order to fulfill His Will, or another vocation in which we give ourselves completely in service to God.

4. The Transfiguration of Jesus

a. Change - we need to be willing to change and accept God's Will for us, in whatever direction that may lead.

b. In the transfiguration, Jesus is defined as the Son of God and greater than those prophets who came before Him. We too must define our lives and acknowledge God's greatness.

c. When we ackowledge a changing point in our faith lives, where we change from Children of God to Soldiers for Christ - this point is when we recieve the Sacrament of Confirmation.

5. Institution of the Eucharist

a. The best way to make this all happen is to refresh ourselves with the Word of God, and participate in the Eucharist as often as possible - at Mass.

b. This is why the Sacrament of Holy Communion is so important, because God grants us Graces in that moment - that help us deal with every day circumstances and it revives our faith. Our desire to serve Him increases at Mass if we are truly open to receiving Him.

Thank you for taking the time to read my enlightening moment. Leave a comment if this has touched your life today in some way.

God Bless!

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Having faith and living faithfully.

Courageous Love:
Lesson 3 Faith and the Life of Grace
Women's Study Group meeting on Oct 23, 2008

We open with prayer, and discuss next Sunday's Gospel. The discussion went something like this...

Next Sunday's Gospel: Matthew 22: 34-40
The Greatest Commandment
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Melissa: I feel that from this reading and this lesson, which are so similar, make it clear that evangelization and worship go hand in hand. That one is worthless without the other. That is why I suggest that our resolution for the next two weeks is to reach out to our neighbor in a spiritual way, specifically asking God to pick that person for us. Perhaps to ask someone to come worship with us at church.

Clarissa: The word "All" seems so emphasized in this reading. "All" meaning our entire being for God, can seem overwhelming. And to love neighbors, who may be enemies... all hard to do. This must have been a radical teaching at the time.

Christine & Sandy: I've experienced "hard to love" neighbors. How DO you love someone so full of evil?

Melissa: When he said, "Love your neighbor" it continues to say "as yourself," which means simply to be an example to others, including those who are evil in actions, and treat them respectfully. [It is not our duty to be evil to those who are evil. We are to be respectful of them as a person created by God, regardless of how they choose to live their life.]

L: Spoke of an account where Leppers grabbed someone in an effort to disrespectfully be near them, and this religious leader in turn embraced them tighter in consolation.
[Is this like that quote: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." ? Are we to embrace our enemies with so much love and concern that it just rubs off and melts their hard hearts...]

Jamie: Has had lasting negative feelings and fear associated with hateful blog comments. Always wondering who's really out there on the streets of today?

Ann Marie: How many missed opportunities are there, when the Holy Spirit has moved us to do something, and we either didn't recognize it until later or ignored it all together?

Resolution: Reach out to your neighbor in a spiritual way.

Afterwards, we discuss our answers in the book. It was very enlightening, and quite the challenge to my faith life. I realize that God will continue to call me to be his lips and hands, even when I am seemingly busy. And this lesson points out, that even though we do good works, we also need to brush up on our knowledge of the faith inorder to profess it better.

Adoration time in reflection:
Okay God, before I can even remember to ask you for the name of the "neighbor" I neglected to evangelize to... you are already presenting me with the name [of a cousin] over and over again in my head. I can't even seem to let in any other possiblity.

So while [this cousin] is one of the lost souls in need of harvesting, I can't help but wonder...
HOW THE HECK DO I BRING THIS UP?
I missed the opporunity so long ago, is it too late? [Just like in 1 Samuel 3 where he is being called over and over again.] No - God keeps calling for me. These cousins in mind are close to me, and we've "grown up" together - even though we are all still so very young. I want to speak to them because I care about them and their souls so deeply, but I fear losing that closeness with every holy word I speak.

I take this moment to pause and thank God for all in my life, especially Tom, who has "grown" in faith with me - with little debate.

Why are there so many fixated on "FEELING" the presence of God at chuch? Why, when there is a certain way to physically TOUCH Christ in the Eucharist? If they only knew. In today's lesson of Courageous Love, the woman knows she will be healed if she touches Jesus' robe. Jesus feels the "rush" of his power moving from him. What an exhilirating thought. At the end of the lesson there is a focus on the Eucharist, which at first seemed like another chapter by itself, but now I see the connection, that your Eucharistic body gives us more graces - a rush of Godly healing into our soul - each time we receive the Eucharist and you become a part of us! That's the FEELING I crave. This kind of rush MUST be comparable in exhiliration that those who stray to another religion are searching for. What can we do to make sure they see it here in the Catholic religion? If anyone wants to "feel good" when they are at church, the worship in song and prayer is exciting... but not near as affirming as knowing Christ Jesus, the Son of God, is now physically dwelling within you. If He is within you, your faith is bound to "grow." Nourish yourself often, and it will only increase. Just as this lesson was getting at. Now that's a RUSH!

Oh, how our lives are changed by our testings and trials in our lives and its affect on our faith. Some have simply failed the test and need someone or something to draw them back to the true path.

"Is it I, Lord?

Here I am Lord."

"I will go Lord, if you lead me." I will pursue this challenge because you have called me to it and you will bring me through it.

But you know my fears and anxieties. Consuole me. I am shaking in my boots at the thought of approaching someone so close to me on such a personal matter. But I will keep in mind, this is about Your Glory and Honor, not my social life.

With God, I can hope all things, endure all things...

2 Timothy 4:1-5 I charge you in the presence of God and of
Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and
his kingly power: proclaim the word; be persistent whether it is convenient
or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all patience and
teaching. For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound
doctrine but, following their own desires and insatiable curiosity, will
accumulate teachers and will stop listening to the truth and will be
diverted to myths. But you, be self-possessed in all circumstances; put up
with hardship; perform the work of an evangelist; fulfill your ministry.


1 Corinthians 13 tells us of this LOVE we should have for our
neighbor - in specifically in verse 7 - It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Thank you, Lord, for this revelation! Holy Spirit, continue to guide me. Mary, be my example. St. Michael and Guardian Angel - guard and defend me. Amen.

SO - I challenge you to go out and do the same.

I will post later, my "Illuminating" rosary that was said that same night, and what it means for us as Catholics who have faith AND live faithfully. I also will post the Joyful Mysteries we said yesterday for our Election Novena which began Sunday Oct 26, 2008.

God Bless!

See a beautiful adoration chapel here. It has a beautiful mosaic behind the monstrance.

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Another Ah-ha moment between me and God.

I've just joined a handful of Catholic Mothers who are studying God's word using incredible study guides. The current guide is "Courageous Love" written by Stacy Mitch. It is certainly an eye opener, especially with this first week's "Holiness 101" lesson. I have always been on the path to holiness, straying just a few times when I was entering adulthood. Growing up I had always been the girl who tagged along with my parents to their Bible Study meetings, Deaconate Classes, and other adult activities, since I was a mellow and only child at the time.

This new study group is the first one I've ever attended without my parents. I am very excited entering these new activities in my life as a grown woman and mother. Now that I am nearing 29 years of age, I am finally "making headway" as my mother always says! It used to drive me nuts when she'd say it, but now it's been the catch phrase of my adult life.

>>So onto the book...

Holiness 101: I feel as if I really want to serve God wholly because that is what our full purpse is in life. I do not however feel called to a life of complete "poverty," such as are the lives of missionaries, priests/sisters, and the Apostles of Christ. We reviewed many readings about conversion and giving up your worldly possessions. Well, I thought my vocation as a wife and mother was highly regarded by God. So what can I do in this vocation to be in a state of "reasonable" poverty and humility?

My resolution at this point was to be holy in the best way I know how.

Concerns: How much do I give up? Was this written in the Bible for all or can it be adjusted for the laity? How can I accomplish my personal goals and the ones set for me by God?

Fears: That in my fragile mental state it may seem like too much.

Dreams: Of a life of elated beauty seen best by God, and to all be an example of simple motherhood dedicated to God in every practical way.

God, I love you. Be with me and let your light in me shine brightly. Show me the way. Amen.

>>So take this wonderful thought process and combine it with a half hour of Adoration while int he State of Grace, and imagine the possiblities! These are my notes from that time...

"Serenity now, Lord!" (Serenity is my favorite thing to pray for. It encaptures all that I hope to have.)

God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Courage to change the things I can.

And the Wisdom to know the difference!

Lord, I offer you my entire being. I can't seem to get anything accomplished without you. It's your approval that I seek. Let me set aside my prodefulness and be pleasing to you. What is it you want from me? I need that wisdom to know the difference between what I need to do, and what I want to do, and other distractions.

Words brough to my head from a quote often read on a plaque at my mom's (something like this):

"The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul..."

"Stop waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Plant your own garden and [tend it]."

I took a deep breath here. I had just been talking to Jamie about wanting romance in my marriage, hoping for flowers and the Mr. Darcy kind of guy.

Ah-ha: This is what you have for me...

It's not the romance I desire, in the recieving of a flower.

I've been plainting my own garden, trying to grow my own flowers to satisfy.

But I haven't been tending (weeding) it like I should.

I cannot see the romance in my life, because it is smoothered with weeds (sin, greed, etc)

So, okay God. I need to tend the garden of my soul. I need to continue to plant NEW seeds (study my faith) and weed out the bad things that keep me from seeing the way God is trying to romance me. He alone can fill my needs and desires. Hidden in that garden is the means by which I can see my own beauty; hidden there is the wisdom I lack.

>>Tangent: I always feel my home needs to be organized. Maybe it's because inside I am so confused and disorganized!?

What do I do Lord?

He said to me:

Homeschool, housekeep, love your spouse, worship God, be prayerful, be vigilant in your works. Focus on those things along. Tend that garden. Stop trying to dig another one, when this one needs tending!

>>This seems to be the cycle in my life. I tend to start a new thing without finishing the other [million] things I have already begun.

Why do I do this? I ask.

Searching for fullfillment. Hoping to find it in the next thing.

>>Oh crap, he got me there.

So where is it, this garden? Where is this self-satisfying place?

IT's withing this garden, the one I've already started in this vocation as mother and wife. It's here I will be satisfied and romanced. "Here" is MY FAMILY!

It's somewhere amidst the simplicity or [AH-HA] the "poverty" of living simply. The poverty I was so afraid of earlier, was not so complicated after all. And why should it be? He says to me,

"Do the tast at hand, and you will be fulfilled and satisfied."

Oh, thank you Lord for this answer! I must go now and tend my garden - tend to the needs of my family.

>>My hand started to flow so quickly, I wished I knew shorthand...

"The time will come again when I will need you for bigger and more complicated things. So you must 'Stay alert and sober' [as we read in the bible today] and be ready for when I come again for you. It will come as a whisper in the night. Not hauntingly, but more lingering in your ear so you cannot brush it away."

God WILL call. But for now, I must tend those precious flowers growing at home, they who depend on me to nourish them, care for them, and guide them to our Lord.

Thank you for taking the time to read God's words of Wisdom to me. I just love his beautiful way of speaking to me in prayer. I started out by telling him in adoration that I only had 30 minutes. I didn't watch the clock, but my writing ceased at exactly 30 minutes later.

Yes, God speaks to me. And he can speak to you to,

if you're still enough and listen with an open and willing heart.

He has so much to say to you.

God Bless!

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Adoration Thursday Night

As you can see from my posts, I'm struggling with my life and homeschooling. But I'm trying to buck up and take it like a mother. So tonight while in prayer at Adoration, feeling like my soul was so black maybe God couldn't reach me with his words...

He called me to pray the rosary. Mary inspired me to pray without hesitation the Joyful Mysteries. I willingly agreed and began. My daughter, only 6, requested to come with me, so I got her started and then began my own. (She did rather well, but this will not be a regular thing.)

The Joyful Mysteries for Homeschoolers (what I heard)

1. The Annunciation: Mary said yes to be the mother of God, whom she homeschooled and raised the best she could with God's Grace. I too said "yes" to being a mother and homeschooling little soldiers for Christ. So if I said "yes" to His calling for me, how can I have any doubt of my choice? So again, I say "YES." I will teach your little children to know, love and serve you - as you have asked of me.

2. The Visitation: Even Mary needed womanly companionship in her life. Someone to lift her up, and with Elizabeth pregnant also, they could share in those trials together. Homeschool and Stay at home mothers need companionship. It is in God's great design that we share our lives with each other. I am honored to have found a beautiful friend (Jamie) who shares many of my same joys and trials. Someone who lifts me up in my sad times, because she understands and prays for me - as I do for her. The visitation is about companionship, an essential part of happiness with homeschooling.

3. The Birth of Jesus: God's gifts to us are plentiful. When the school day begins, I am called to bring my gifts to my children, just as the 3 kings did. The gifts are my talents, my love and affection, my knowledge, my faith and so much more. I need to bring all that to the table each morning. Give of myself freely to my children to further enrich their lives as well as mine. What we do for them, we do for Jesus.

4. The Presentation: As parents, we need to offer our children up to the Lord. We need to be sure that their lives are lived for Christ, not to fulfill our own wants and shortcomings. We need to present ourselves to our children and be an open book to them. A living example of what they will someday become. Are we being that for them? Am I being a good example for my children? What materials are we presenting to our children - are they fully enriched in the teachings of the church? When they are presented at the gates of heaven, will God be pleased with the way we raised them and how they were taught and disciplined?

5. The Finding of Jesus in the Temple: Our children will stray, it is just in their nature to do so. I need to accept that, and move on. I need to stay calm when they tune me out or have a day where they just would rather play. Isn't that what homeschooling is all about? Flexibility? Why am I having such a hard time being flexible, when that is a big part of the whole plan!? I need to be confident that the Lord has a big hand in all of this, and if I slip, if they slip, whether we mean to or not, God will bring us back on track when the time is right. And I need to remember that they are just children - and I need to refocus my attention on what is truly a necessity and what can wait for another day.

These are just some of the thoughts, probably ramblings to some of you. But I really felt through the thickness of my soul, a soul that is in desperate need of confession, God's voice wtill spoke to me. I had to be still, quiet, and just a few feet away from the Real Presence to hear Him - but I did. He called, and I answered him. Now it is up to me to take heed and start anew.

Tomorrow I feel will be a better day.

Thank the Lord!

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God's Graces

It's by the Grace of God that I make it though every day. With my recorruing depression and anxiety I have days where I can feel like all hope is lost or I feel scared to move forward. A great book on this is Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World which includes a chapter about the devils 3 deadly D's: dispair, discouragement, and depression. Something I run into every day. Yet, there is always something that brings me hope.

It's God's pure love, His tender mercies, and His graces that shower over me. I am amazed that even if I am not in the complete state of grace (by having a mortal sin on my soul), He still showers me and my family with His Graces! What a loving and forgiving God we have on our side!

Note:
Actual Grace is special graces given to us by God to make it though. God provides to those who ask. We can ask for virtues of faith, hope, charity, justice, prudence, temperance and fortitude There are also the fruits of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, humility, gentleness, goodness, faith, patience and temperance. And other graces of knowledge, strength, serenity, and more.

Sanctifying Grace is the cleansing of our souls who have been saved by Jesus's death on the cross. We can continue to stay in this state of Sanctifying Grace by going to confession. Jesus does not "cover our sins" as some protestants believe, rather through confession those sins are washed away.

This past week I've been hearing the word "Grace" so often, I know it's God speaking to me. Refining my faith life. My friend Jamie and I have been discussing the logistics of NFP according to the Catholic Teachings, and we talked about God's Grace to get us through the rought patches of NFP, the graces to accept an unplanned pregnancy or miscarriages, etc. Just last Wednesday at the homeschool group's rally, the main speaker talked about Graces in reference to teaching our children and accepting God's Will for us.

Then last night, God spoke to me again in Adoration. He lead me to read a book my mother gave me back in 1995 when I was only 15 years old. It is called "Praying to God as a Friend" by Saint Alphonsus Liguori. She had underlined the parts she wanted me to reflect on. The more I read, I knew this was meant to be...

"Let the mountain streams remind you of God's abundant GRACE pouring int your being."

"Have you forgotten my sins and offenses? Since you have treated me with so much love, and given me GRACES without number, I will love you from now on..."

And in regard to my prayers for graces to live my life as a prayer...

"O Spirit of God, grant me the gift of prayer. Come into my heart and give me the strength not to abandon the practice of prayer eventhough I sometimes grow weary of it. Give me the spirit of perservering in prayer, the GRACE to pray continually."

In regards to me wondering why bad things are allowed to happen to me when I am faithful:

"On the other hand, if you turn to God at once to ask pardon and promise to do better, your very falling will help you to grow in God's love." Meaning that we need to pray to God for the GRACE to see the good that comes from our sins and sufferings.

"Know that this suffering will serve to strengthen you, to increase your humility, and to renew your confidence in God."

The week before in the Perpetual Adoration chapel, I also read some prayers from Prayers Before an Awesome God (The Psalms for Teenagers) by David Haas. The back has "When I.." references to many feelings and desires and the Psalms that refer to them in a prayerful manner. I highly recommend this book for teenagers and young adults!

On my way to the chapel, I had to put in this CD that I used to listen to over 8 years ago during my weekly holy hour. The artist is Simonetta, a beautiful Catholic woman who spoke about St. Philomena and Chastity at the young adult Steubenville Conference back in 1999 or 2000. She has a music CD of beutiful songs. My favorites are called The Beauty that You Are and Keep Your Eyes on the Beloved.

You can follow the link, but here are the main words I love:

Keep your eyes on the Beloved
He can bring you everlasting peace
He’ll take you by the hand, and guide you to him gently
Keep your eyes – on – Him

~

In the quiet of the church, I’ve come to be with You a while
On my knees I pray for Your guidance
On my knees I beg for your helping hand
And yet, I kneel so still & gaze at You, for all all the beauty that You are, to me
In the stillness of the church, I pray...

There is always much that I take from this experience sitting in friendship with my Lord and Saviour. This really is only one revelation. But I hope that you go walk in God's GRACE, and ask Him to continually bless you. And ask often.

God Bless!
Melissa

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Adoration Last Thursday

I wanted to post about last Thursday when I went to Adoration for the second time since Jamie urged me to go with her a few weeks ago. The difference was that I went to sub for her this time. Luckily an older woman subing the hour before requested to stay an extra hour with me so I would not be alone at such a late hour. Of course God was there, but you know...

Well, it worked so well last week, I decided to read my little paper I had held onto from when I used to go to adoration every Monday some 8 or so years ago. It's called "A Quarter of an Hour before the Most Blessed Sacrament. Suggestions of the holy Antonius Maria Claret." It is simply heart wrenching for me to read it, because I can feel Him saying it to me as a friend. It is so comforting and startling at the same time. Each time I read it, it still applies to my week. I feel Him proding me on in prayer. This 15 minute prayer card takes me at least 30 minutes as I talk to God in depth about my gratefulness, trials, and prayers for others.

I can't find it anywhere online, so here it is for you to use if you'd like:


A QUARTER OF AN HOUR before the MOST BLESSED SACRAMENT

Do you have to ask me something for someone?

Tell me his/her name and then let me know what you would like me to do now for him/her. Request much! Do not hesitate to ask.

Speak to me also simply and sincerely of the poor whom you wish to console; of the sick whom you see sugger; of those gone astray whom you most ardently wish back on the right way. Have a word for every one, at least one word.


And for youself, don't you need some special grace?

Tell me openly if perhaps you are proud, selfish, unstable, neglectful ... and then ask me to come to your help in the few or many effots you ar emaking to rectify yourself.

Don't be ashamed! Ther are many just ones, many saints in Heaven who had exactly the same faulys as you have. But they asked humbly... and little by little, they were freed from them.

And don't hesitate either to ask for health or success in your work, business or studies.

All this I can give you and will give you. And I wish that you ask me for it; I provide freely all that does not hinder your sanctification, but favours and supports it.

And what do you especially need today?
What can I do for you?
If you know how much I desire to help you...!


Are you just preoccupied with a plan?

Tell me about it. What are you concerned with? What do you think? What do you want? What can I do for your brother, your sister, your friends, your family, your superiors? What would you like to do for them? And with regard to me: Don'y your have the wish that I be glorified? Don't you want to do something good for your friends of whom you are perhaps very fond, but who live perhaps without thinking of me?

Tell me: What especially arouses your attention today? What do you want most ardently? What means are available to you in order to realise your wish?

Let me know if your project does not succeed, and I shall show you the reasons for your failure. Don't you wnat to secure my help?


Are you perhaps in a sad or bad mood?

Relate to me in all details why you are sad.
Who hurt you?
Who offended your self-love?
Who depised you?


Tell me everything, and soon you will have reached the stage where you can say to me that, following my example, you forgive and forget everything. As a reward, you will receive my consoling blessing.

Are you perhaps depressed? Do you feel in your soul that vague discouragement which, although unjustified, continues to trouble your heart? Throw yourself into the arms of my providence! I am with you, at your side. I see everything, hear everything, and not for one moment do I let you down.

Do you feel a dislike for persons who were fond of you before, but who forget oyou now and separate themselves from you, without your having given them the slightest cause to do so? Pray for them, and I shall bring them back to your side if they do not become an obstacle for your sanctification.


And don't you have to inform me perhaps of some joy?

Why don't you let me participate in it, since I am your friend? Report to me what has cheered up your heart and caused you to smile since your last visit with me. Maybe you have experienced pleasant surprises, perhaps you have received happy news, a letter, a sign of affection; perhaps you have overcome a difficulty or escaped a hopeless situation.


ALL THIS IS MY WORK!
You must simply say to me: Thank you, my Father!


Don't you wish to promise me something?

O can read in the depths of hearts. Men can be deluded easily, but not God. Speak therefore very honestly to me. Are you firmly decided not to expose yourself any more to a certainoccasion of sin, to renounce that which is harmful to you, (not to read that book anyu more which has excited your imagination, not to have any more contacts with that person who confuses the peace of your soul?)

Will you again be gentle, kind and helpful to that other person whom you have considered to be an enemy because he did you some wrong?

Well then, go back now to your usual occupation, to your work, your family, your studies. But don't forget the quarter of an hour which weboth have spent here together. Observe, as much as you can, silence, modesty, inner recollection, love to your neighbour.



Love my Mother who is also yours.



And come again with a heart that is still more filled with love, still more devoted to my spirit. You will then find every day in my heart new love, new graces, new consoltaions.




Well, I can't tell you my answers as they are private, but lets just say I was thinking a lot about NFP and it's rules and how hard it is to want something so bad, and not be able to have it. You can read my thoughts and more on Jamie's blog about NFP.


I hope this Q&A will help at least one of you have a positive and uplifting holy hour sometime in the near future. I may not be able to attend every week, but I am certainly encouraged to go again on a more regular basis. In fact, I submitted my name to be an evening sub there. It really brings special gifts to my week.

The first Thursday I went, the next day my husband got laid off then hired again somewhere else not 10 seconds later. I've been blessed with a new peace about my life, and a more sacraficial way of living it. All of this is part of my new "phase in life" as an adult woman and mother. I am only 28, but hey - most days I feel like I am 40 - in knowledge, spirit, contemplation, situation and yes - this worn out body of mine.


My most inspirational quote:
Let Go, and Let God!

(Central Minnesota TEC#274, 288, and others)

It's carried me through many a rough day.

God Bless you all!
Melissa

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