Conviction and Grace

No one is perfect. I do not strive for perfection, rather I am daily compelled to achieve sainthood. To me, this means that I do my best to know, love and serve God each day. I offer my days, my trials and my achievements - my life - to Him. In my youth, I was more of a spontaneous person, which got me ahead in ways and in trouble at other times. As I approach this middle part of my life, I'm getting better at having actions that are well thought out. Spontaneity is reserved for playing with my children and the adventures we have together. I am consumed with wanting to be a more mature, responsible adult that is respected in my community. I do surround myself with like-minded people, and we encourage each other as we go. It's when I put myself in the public eye that I am faced with ridicule and questioning. So why do I put myself out there? Because it is on my heart that God has called me to evangelize. Maybe not to become a missionary or activist, but a gentle example in word, deed and action. Starting with my family. He has called me to be ready to Lead when the Spirit moves me, and to teach my children to do the same. I think we are all meant for greatness, but with a humble heart that lets others see it is God working through me - and not of myself. That is what I think this sainthood is about.

"Don't shine so that others can see you.

Shine so that through you, others can see [God.]"  - C.S. Lewis

 

This little baby inside me is such another mystery. This is my 7th pregnancy to make it this far, now at 23 weeks. Our 6 children are very excited to welcome a baby boy next spring. We too are so delighted to think about what joy this child will bring to our family! Each child has astounded us with their beautiful personalities and talents that continue to blossom. My husband and I are curious to God's plan in all this that seems so crazy at first, but we trust Him - that He's made this possible and will give us the Grace we need to support our family. Support financially, spiritually, and physically. We have come to realize that our lives are not about us and our achievements. Our grand purpose in life is to help our children become amazing saints for God.

 

Many friends and family have helped us out this past month with prayer, encouragement and some donations. We're doing everything we can to be humble and worthy of their charity and kindness. We are making sure that from this moment forward we are examples of Christ's love in this world, true Catholics living by the teachings we know and studying to get better at it, as well as being responsible with ALL our actions. What miracles and graces that have come into our lives. We've also seen the spirit of true friendship in it all. Often times being physically poor can make you feel so rich in countless ways! Then when we are better off physically, we can be the miracle in someone else's life! What a gift!!!

God can use your life, broken or whole!

Currently we have been focusing on spending time with our children, family and friends. It's the holidays. But we are also focusing on self discipline, money management and physical health. The children are looking to us as an example. We've been a little relaxed in a way that has made parenting more challenging than it needs to be. So after years of trial and error, I think we finally found a method of reward and discipline that works for us. We've realized how we need to react to and teach each child to help them form their souls and personhood. We're more attentive, "slow to anger - rich in kindness." We're being more open with them about our finances, talking to them about responsible spending and what charity means in our life right now. We're looking for opportunities to share our talents and time in volunteering and donations.

Then, in respect for our bodies being a Temple of the Holy Spirit, we are focusing on eating healthier. This will improve our energy, moods and in part financial responsibility. We're starting off the New Year with doing a Whole 30 before resuming our Paleo nutrition plan. Then it's almost time to get the seedlings ready for our garden. We're trying for smarter not harder version of gardening!  We're already off to a good start after consulting our doctor on ways to cut back the pounds. Pinteresting many ideas. Reading up on NFP methods and ways to improve my imbalances. I can truly envision a healthier family in 2015!

Overall I feel confident that we are making the right choices. If we mess up, somehow God will redirect us back on our paths. Many times we've learned that what seems like a mistake or challenge can be turned into something beautiful and meaningful.

 

***

Ephesians 3:14-21 (NASB)

^"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

***

 

While we are very well supported in our life by family and friends, there will always be that anonymous commenter or acquaintance who thinks they know better for us. To them I say - hush yourselves! If you do not talk to us on at least a monthly basis… real, face-to-face (or phone), open conversations without censoring… you don't know enough to comment so negatively or judge so harshly. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, but many times your words are just fluttering opinions of the secular world that mean nothing to us. Those who really know us or live a similar way, understand our convictions and that our actions and thoughts are in most cases properly supported by spiritual advisors and church teaching, and well thought out from experience, prayer and study.

I do my best every day to learn more about God's will for me and all Catholics. I do my best every day to make sure that everything I do is an offering to God, because this life is His, not mine. This blog is my place to share that journey with others. To share my knowledge, my frustrations, my convictions with those who are in a similar place.

If you are frustrated by my life, because it's not where you're at - you are not obligated to comment or read my blogs. It's okay to just move on. If you actually know us, you are welcome to open the discussion in person and not hide behind your computer anonymity. But if for some reason you are compelled by my statements to learn more about the "whys" of my comments/decisions… ask away! I'd be happy to share resources and thoughts.

 

 

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Things happen for a reason.

Hello readers. It appears there are more of you than I knew about. A so-so blog has turned into a hot topic link among family and friends, and some aquaintences. While it is nice to see that I have more readers, some who just choose not to comment until it affects them personally, it brings me to that point so many of you fellow bloggers have been at one time or another. You will never forget that post you made, when you got some comments or calls you weren't expecting and wish you never got??? Sound familiar? Then when you're already feeling bummed out, you have to decide if your blog is worth keeping. You have to decide whether to respond or delete. I'm there.

Most of you know that I have a family blog, where I post about family tips, and things that are happening with my family. It keeps our friends and family updated on our everyday things, and connects me to other mom's who are like-minded. It's a good thing.

So when I started feeling like journaling more about touchy subjects, like politics and religion, I figured I better keep that blogging separate from my family. This Growing in Grace blog has developed into a place where I can share silly MEMEs, interesting articles or videos worth sharing, and discussions I care about as a faithful Catholic. It's very personal.

A few weeks ago I realized that I enjoyed sharing more hot topics, because it brought readers and comments I was looking for. While reading other blogs, I saw there was a demand for blogs about living the faith in the public eye. So last week I decided to share a personal experience and how I was currently dealing with it.

I do admit, even though at the time I thought I was being vague, I was told yesterday that I gave enough detail to stir up ill emotions and cause some unexpected discussions to arise from those mentioned in the post. I have gone through the post the best I can to create anonymity for those people, without deleting it completely. It contains good points and things I want to share. My dad explained that politics and religious truths are already in the public eye and open for discussion complete with names, but I need to be careful not to publicize opinion nor fact about those in my private connections (or something like that), which may hurt them. So excuse me for stepping on toes that were put in my path. You'll either have to avoid my path, or rest assured that I'll keep your name/identity more private in the future.

So what's all this fuss about?

Well, I have put myself on the line to help others and find help from others. I have opened the pages of my life, the knowledge in my brain, and the understanding the Holy Spirit has bestowed upon me. Because of this, I have been hurt badly. I knew it was coming, and I promised God I would take with a grain of salt.

Sadly, my depresssion has elevated, possibly due to pregnancy hormones, but worse than before no matter how. I will never reach complete hopelessness, because I have God in my life. He alone has pulled me through each and every bottomed out moment. Yes, there have been many. Sometime God pulls me through it with His voice, or that of my husband's or dear friends and family. Yes, you must believe that God works on his own, AND through others. I often feel the presence of God urging me to do his work for others. It's funny how people love it until it challenges them to make a change in THEIR life.

In the midst of my dispair, I have found the TRUTH and the LIGHT and HOPE. It is God as the Blessed Trinity, which has shown me the real way to live with purpose. Of course, I am not perfect in my personal efforts towards sanctifying grace, I slip and fall, but unlike some others in my "private connections," I get back up and keep following. I DO find ways to strengthen myself, such as through the Catholic Eucharist, confession, bible study, and frienships which nuture this path. I DO NOT find ways to compromise my faith to feel better about my wrong decisions. I DO NOT stray from my faith and find another one that makes me feel better about the life I want. Because GOD'S WILL is so much better than my own. And that's a proven fact.

> This issue began with a post about disturbing truths about our President and his administration, and concern for those who support him regardless. We hoped to inform. We hoped for a respectful discussion. Instead we got rejected, bombarded with hatred for OUR beliefs and facts shared, ignored than ridiculed, and expected to reply in a nice, submissive and compromising way. Who the heck do you think we are? A bunch of gullable idiots who were raised by imbisuls? Quite the contrary. I am not sorry, I have not changed my opinon on the matter, and will not waiver on my faith for anyone.

I WILL NOT agree to disagree, or simply try to "understand" those who are following the wrong path. That is the most wimped out excuse to pretend and divert from the TRUTH. The friend I wrote about in my last post, who hurt me deeply and wants me to just turn this into a

"...success story where you could have then shared a beautiful outcome of
forgiveness and understanding"

She wrote "that the issues of the present and the past have been posted for the world to see before [I have] even taken the opportunity to discuss feelings with" her. Which is absurd, since a few weeks ago I tried to discuss this and got the silent treatment and the discussion was deleted and never readdressed privately."

She doesn't understand that even though her compromises in life which have separated us, and the bitterness of her family towards mine, a "beautiful outcome" has already been reached - she just can't see it. She needs to know I have already forgiven her over and over again, and do again today for the ways she has hurt me, how she turned her back on me and her faith. That I understand that she has been manipulated by others and her worldly thoughts away from the faith that she could have embraced, and hopefully someday will. I still see potential in her, and will continue to pray for her. But due to my own human frailty, I cannot resolve this all now. The beautiful outcome is that I continue to hold no grudges, even though I am serverly bruised by her and her family's actions.

With regards to others that were mentioned, some took it well and others not. The addition of those paragraphs about others were meant to emphasize the condition I am in. To let readers understand that it is not just this one incident that brings me down in despair. It is interesting that some have insisted in being a part of my life, yet want little to do with the part of me that cares for them back. It leaves me feeling used. I think I've made amends with those two particular people and there is some understanding of where we're both coming from.

Why do I tend to burden myself with such things?

I care too much? (especially about how people feel about me) Someone once wrote in my yearbook: "Melissa, you're too nice." What the heck does that mean? I didn't realize my concern for others was such a burden. I didn't realize that my love and hope for the prosperity of human kind was overreaching.

It is built into my nature to care more than most. To contemplate more than most. To feel personally attacked, when others can brush it off. A small portion of it is neurological, and will be numbed (treated) with medication after the baby is born. The kind of meds that make me not care as much, yet never get rid of the situations. Most of these feelings are a constant yearning and desire to help others, as embedded in my heart by God from the moment I was concieved. To deny this, is to deny God's will for me. To let go of it would be selfish. And to follow through with it to the full extent that God asks of all of us, is really a dying to myself. How did I come to this conclusion, you ask? Through gifts of the Holy Spirit, and enlightened by my current study of the book "Courageous Love" as I've written about before. The book really calls you to action.


SO UNTIL I AM PAST THIS SADNESS:

I will be consoling myself in God's love. I will be detaining my compelling desire to share my concerns and advice with others close to me. I am asking God to lift this cross, as it is too much to bear at this time. OR that He will show me how this fits into my path. I will gladly accept the other crosses I bear on a daily basis, per His instructions to me last Thursday night in adoration. To care for my children and household first. And I will gladly pick up that heavy cross with love and charity again when my soul is mended.

Last night I curled into bed around 5pm again, like last week. I was so overraught with concern and sadness, as well as physical pain from my shoulders and hips. My husband set up this week an at home massage with my usual people, and told me it was all taken care of. He ran over to Applebees to calm my craving for an Oriental Chicken Salad. Then cleaned up and put the kids to bed. He is so sweet and understanding. He is Christ-like to me every day, even when it seems like too much for him to bear. I guess I'm his Cross.

GOD SPEAKS: A REVELATION

Of course I turned on the boob tube, and watched AFV and That 70s Show for a good laugh, then Medium for a thrill. Anything to take my mind of how I felt. But then it came time for my usual reruns of Scrubs, which I watch almost every night. Well, this one (watch it here) actually spoke to me. The focus was on this head nurse who always talks about her faith in Jesus, who states that even bad things happen for a reason. And amidst this "wow" moment of mine, the nurse even quoted:

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE CONCERNED?

What I need is respect and love from those who are in my circle. I ask that you continue with your positive encouragement and suggestions. They have indeed been very helpful. Here are some of my favorites...

"you have to let people love you, like, or hate you the way they want - it stinks sometimes, but at least it's authentic... ...do what is right and so what if you don't ever see or taste any fruits of your labors. You have to trust that He is tilling the fields for you"

"Our beliefs should be strongly and loyally held, otherwise why have them?!"

"I know that when my own personal pray life is in order, as well as my family’s prayer life…I am more successful in situations like these. ...when all this confrontation was happening to me, I figured this was a nudge from the Lord to deepen MY own relationship with him."

St. Theresa's Prayer (I recieved in an email today):

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

Something I once wrote which connects with last weekend's gospel reading:
Jesus touched the lepers, talked to them, healed them. It was contrary to what others had ever done. Contrary to the worldly view that politics and religion should be a private matter and unspeakable amongst friends... God is calling many of us followers to share his message on the issues that should matter to everyone - not just Catholics!

Thank you to all who took the time to read this long post. I hope it will clear the air, and help you see what I envision for this blog. I hope it will inspire you to pray to step up to what God is calling you to do with your life, and BE NOT AFRAID because God is present in every moment. And in a moment of dispair, realize that even then blessings can come forth - because God wills it to be so!

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Happy Mothers Day! Again!

The Feast of St. Monica is like another Mother's Day.

"St. Monica is remembered as having a stressful life, between her ill-tempered husband and rebellious son. Through persistent prayer and sacrifice, and her patience and gelthleness, St. Monica's hubsand converted before he died. Her rebellious son Augustine was also converted and became a bishop and saint and is recognized as a Doctor of the church!

"With patience and gentleness, St. Monica reminds us to pray for others, even when they are difficult to get along with. She offers us hope in our prayer for those who stray from Jesus."

-Taken from "A Treasure Chest of Traditions for Catholic Families" by Monica McConkey

Happy feast day to her!

St. Monica Patron of Lapsed Catholics

“God of mercy, comfort of those in sorrow,

the tears of St. Monica moved you to convert her son,

St. Augustine, to the faith of Christ.

By their prayers, help us to turn from our sins

and to find your loving forgiveness.”

—St. Anthony Messenger

A moment of silent prayer for those in our lives who have either not found the Catholic Church and for those whom have strayed from it....

Today is park day (weather permitting-looks like rain) and library day. But we will spend sometime coloring pictures of St. Monica and St. Augustine who's feast day is tomorrow. We found the coloring sheets at Catholic Cuisine. Today or tomorrow you might even consider making a family tree!

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