I opened in prayers of thanksgiving and praise. Personal and friends intentions followed. One hour was dedicated to my parents celebrating 40 years of marriage, for their marriage, their needs, and intentions they hold in their hearts.
The first thought that entered my mind was the song, You Raise Me Up as sung by Josh Groban. I always knew the chorus, but never paid attention to the first verse until now. Jesus speaks to me, and in a clear, strong voice he let me know I needed to attend perpetual adoration and that there I would find healing for my sorrows.
Song: YOU RAISE ME UP by Josh Groban (https://youtu.be/cXtcc5mgKTA)
When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be
Then my heart seemed to slow and I internally sang
Down in Adoration bowing.... though my feeble senses fail.
ME: Help me to see you in my everyday. Help me to see the world through your eye, Jesus. Holy Spirit give me the words to speak so that they hear you. There are so many distractions. Help me filter them out to the things that are necessary - good - holy.
You told me six months ago (when our 5yo son died) to come talk to you specifically in "Perpetual Adoration," quite adamantly. I have come before. I am here, excitedly awaiting to hear you again. In the still of the night.
(Gazing upon the monstrance) Even the truest believers have doubted your presence. Jesus, I trust in you.
A blank slate, a fresh start. I'd like that. A new beginning, that "new normal" they talk about. Each day i can have that. But it's me, not you, that won't let go of the failures of my past. You've forgiven me of my shortcomings and errors and sin. You are almighty and all merciful. Why do I struggle so much to offer that to myself?
Again I'm reminded of what Eddie said to me in an Awakening after his passing:Everyone needs to forgive themselves.
JESUS: (He speaks to me in a continuous thought, where my mind is blank except for the words I write down. Invoking the Holy Spirit, I know these words to be solely His and not my thoughts.)
I roar like a Lion, but am not heard.
I stand before you, but you do not kneel.
My face looks lovingly upon you, but you do not feel my love.
You are deaf, you are blind, you are prideful, you are lost.
How can you see what I see, unless you are:
Still and listen;
Kneel before your Maker;
Search for me in your life;
Open your eyes to my grace;
Know that I love you.
You are mine, my child. How could I not love you?
You understand the heart of a parent. As you grow older in wisdom, you begin to understand what your parents did, taught, said. So too you will come to understand me and my ways, as you grow in wisdom. Your experiences are all for good if you seek me in them.
BE MY WITNESS in the darkness that overshadows. DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY. Do not linger in this world, for it has NOTHING to offer you. Time is not to be wasted on the oppressive mechanisms the world offers you in abundance. [In order to judge if it's worthy of your time]:
1. Is it worthy of MY time?
2. Where am I, your God, in it?
3. Can anything be reconciled [in my name] there?
4. Is it for the Greater Good?
5. Are they listening, or passing by?
Great is my love for you! Don't hesitate to share it. But be weary of the snares and devices that draw you into darkness and cloud your mind. It inhibits you from meeting your potential. You can offer so much more... in my name... in this time.
ME: How can I show them?
JESUS: Be. Live. Love. Adore. Witness in all aspects of your life. Be who THEY NEED, not what you want to give. Witness Christianity in its fullness.
ME: What about Catholicism?
JESUS: It's a tool, a means, a way. A way to seek out grace. It fulfills what I had spoken and shared with my friends. It is meant for ALL. But only a few will come. Even fewer will understand. Because what they seek is not what it offers.
ME: What do you offer in your Church?
JESUS:
Grace - to heal, to love, to live.
Being - a place to be greater than yourself.
Plot - I have a story to tell.
Mystery - you won't understand it all.
Fervent - prayer unending
Witness - to my love for you in the passion.
Trinity - SomeONE who cares greatly about His child.
Being - a place to be greater than yourself.
Plot - I have a story to tell.
Mystery - you won't understand it all.
Fervent - prayer unending
Witness - to my love for you in the passion.
Trinity - SomeONE who cares greatly about His child.
ME: Thank you so much for this wisdom. I hope that I can honor you and be worthy of such a gift. I am trying, I know I fail daily to meet my potential. I ask for the grace to be the woman you need me to be. I feel your love around me. It is as if what matters in life has changed. I want to bring others with me, hand in hand. But they are not all on this same path. Do I bring them here, go there, or reach and stretch?
JESUS: YOU BUILD BRIDGES. With understanding where they are. They will come when they are ready.
I DO NOT ASK THAT YOU PULL. I ASK THAT YOU SHOW THE WAY.
ME: Yes Lord, I hear you! You amaze me still, and I want to come to your more often. You impart so much wisdom. You roar, you speak, you love. Help me to spread your words and love. I am a simple servant. Make my life worthy of your grace.
(A moment of silence, followed by angelic tongue I have spoken in the spirit before, but am never able to understand or interpret. I simply wrote down to the best of my ability the words I heard.)Dona nobis pacem En ora pro nobis mater inglesia por tu en la dadicio frerat. Las Laertes nuero quartes empartica soon fuerve. Con cartes las fuentes offer mercio.
ME: Is it you, Lord God, with who I am speaking? (I went on to doodle in silence an image of the monstrance. I felt confused that I would be given words that I could not understand. I figured I'd give it an online search later, and hope it was more than gibberish.)
JESUS: I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS WITH ME.
(I am very humbled by this.)
ME: I want to soak in words written by others, but your words in the Bible must come first. Guide me, Father, to the message you have just for me. Impart on me your wisdom.
(At first, my bookmark drew my page to open at Psalm 33. At the top of the page I have written "God Sees Me.")
PSALM 33
4-5 For the Lord's word is upright. All his works are trustworthy. He loves justice and right. The earth is full of the mercy of the Lord. (TRUST GOD)
10-11 The Lord foils the plan of nations, frustrates the designs of peoples. But the plan of the Lord stands forever, the designs of his heart through all generations. (HE HAS A PLAN)
14-15 From his dwelling place he surveys all who dwell on earth. The one who fashioned together their hearts is the one who knows all their works. ( HE SEES US. WHAT WE DO MATTERS.)
20-22 ...He is our help and sheild. May your Mercy, Lord, be upon us as we put our hope in you. (TRUST THAT HE WILL HELP YOU)
(I was then drawn to the book of Jonah.)
JONAH 2: 8-10
When I became faint, I remembered the Lord. My prayer came to you in your holy temple. Those who worship worthless idols abandon their hope for mercy. But I, with thankful voice, will sacrifice to you. What i have vowed I will pay. Deliverance is from the Lord.
(There was a reference in this scripture to look to Psalm 50.)
PSALM 50:14-15
Offer praise as your sacrifice to God; fulfill your vows to the Most High. Then call on me on the day of distress; I will rescue you, and you shall honor me.
ME: It is truly amazing what you have to offer us: Your word; your mercy; your love; your self. Thank you, God.
SONG: LET ME BE YOUR SERVANT by David Haas (https://youtu.be/MYpH3y4608E)
Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too
We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load
I will hold the Christ light for youWe are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load
In the night time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the the peace you long to hear.
I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through
Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too
SONG: YAHWEH I KNOW YOU ARE NEAR by Dan Schutte (https://youtu.be/_Uge74xLmg0)
(I have the image on this music video on my wall, that I put up after our son died. It has brought me great comfort.)
Yahweh, I know you are near,
standing always at my side.
You guard me from the foe,
and you lead me in ways everlasting.
Lord, you have searched my heart,
and you know when I sit and when I stand.
Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,
keeping me from harm.
Where can I run from Your love?
If I climb to the heavens You are there;
If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,
still I'd find You there.
You know my heart and its ways,
you who formed me before I was born
in the secret of darkness before I saw the sun
in my mother's womb.
Marvelous to me are Your works;
how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord.
Even if I could count them, they number as the stars,
You would still be there.
**Then I read awhile from a book about meeting our loved ones in Heaven. Shortly after I went home. After working putting my uncertain words into google translate and searching the meaning of words I thought were just gibberish, I came to the conclusion that this is the translation of what was spoken to me in angelic language (speaking in tongues.)
Grant us peace.
We will pray for your mother church, for your deliverance as promised ironclad. The Gatherer of The People's new quarters empathize, soon favor. With plan. The Source (or The Fountain) offers thanks.
Overall I find it rather profound that the messages, passages and foreign words given to me in this couple hours of Adoration have revealed to me a theme unknown to me until after I had reviewed it later. I believe it is this:
When we are weary in sorrow, we cannot heal on our own. We NEED Adoration (time spent in the presence of God), where He will reveal to us how to heal. We are a distracted people, especially by man-made devices. He loves us profoundly, but we do not hear nor see him, because of these distractions we allow. All experiences that are hard in our lives, we tend to use these devices as an escape from reality. But He is saying that it is those experiences that will reveal to us our purpose. We need to make a choice to turn away from the distractions that hold us back from our potential. Do whatever is necessary. Then, we need to find the tools that strengthen us and make us a better disciple of Christ. We need to be a witness to this change so others can reach their potential. We need to be what the world so desperately needs, and not just what we want to offer it. The Catholic Church is a tool that offers grace to meet our potential, but so often people are searching for other pleasures or distractions, they cannot see the good he offers in His Church. How do we draw people to His Church? By building bridges, not by force nor by instilling fear or guilt. Show them the way, lead by example, and invite them gently. God is always with us, guiding us through His Holy Spirit. All goodness within us, believers or not, comes from God. We need to learn to Trust Him and His plan. The actions we take matter to Him, and He will help us meet our potential. Hope and Mercy lie in the sacrifices we make, including getting rid of the idols/distractions/devices in our lives that are not worthy. Your sacrifices praise and honor God. Be His servant, and he will take the journey with you. He is always near you. Are you always with God? All of Heaven prays for us that we will be delivered from this world as promised. He feels our suffering, and He has a plan. The Source of all that is good offers His thanks for spending this time with Him.
***
You can read more of my experiences on my personal journey with God on this Growing in Grace blog. I offer many Catholic family resources on my blog Homegrown Catholics. I also witness about our homeschooling journey at my St Brigid's Academy blog. If you find inspiration through Facebook like I do, you can follow me at www.facebook.com/HomegrownCatholics/