Another Ah-ha moment between me and God.

I've just joined a handful of Catholic Mothers who are studying God's word using incredible study guides. The current guide is "Courageous Love" written by Stacy Mitch. It is certainly an eye opener, especially with this first week's "Holiness 101" lesson. I have always been on the path to holiness, straying just a few times when I was entering adulthood. Growing up I had always been the girl who tagged along with my parents to their Bible Study meetings, Deaconate Classes, and other adult activities, since I was a mellow and only child at the time.

This new study group is the first one I've ever attended without my parents. I am very excited entering these new activities in my life as a grown woman and mother. Now that I am nearing 29 years of age, I am finally "making headway" as my mother always says! It used to drive me nuts when she'd say it, but now it's been the catch phrase of my adult life.

>>So onto the book...

Holiness 101: I feel as if I really want to serve God wholly because that is what our full purpse is in life. I do not however feel called to a life of complete "poverty," such as are the lives of missionaries, priests/sisters, and the Apostles of Christ. We reviewed many readings about conversion and giving up your worldly possessions. Well, I thought my vocation as a wife and mother was highly regarded by God. So what can I do in this vocation to be in a state of "reasonable" poverty and humility?

My resolution at this point was to be holy in the best way I know how.

Concerns: How much do I give up? Was this written in the Bible for all or can it be adjusted for the laity? How can I accomplish my personal goals and the ones set for me by God?

Fears: That in my fragile mental state it may seem like too much.

Dreams: Of a life of elated beauty seen best by God, and to all be an example of simple motherhood dedicated to God in every practical way.

God, I love you. Be with me and let your light in me shine brightly. Show me the way. Amen.

>>So take this wonderful thought process and combine it with a half hour of Adoration while int he State of Grace, and imagine the possiblities! These are my notes from that time...

"Serenity now, Lord!" (Serenity is my favorite thing to pray for. It encaptures all that I hope to have.)

God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Courage to change the things I can.

And the Wisdom to know the difference!

Lord, I offer you my entire being. I can't seem to get anything accomplished without you. It's your approval that I seek. Let me set aside my prodefulness and be pleasing to you. What is it you want from me? I need that wisdom to know the difference between what I need to do, and what I want to do, and other distractions.

Words brough to my head from a quote often read on a plaque at my mom's (something like this):

"The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul..."

"Stop waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Plant your own garden and [tend it]."

I took a deep breath here. I had just been talking to Jamie about wanting romance in my marriage, hoping for flowers and the Mr. Darcy kind of guy.

Ah-ha: This is what you have for me...

It's not the romance I desire, in the recieving of a flower.

I've been plainting my own garden, trying to grow my own flowers to satisfy.

But I haven't been tending (weeding) it like I should.

I cannot see the romance in my life, because it is smoothered with weeds (sin, greed, etc)

So, okay God. I need to tend the garden of my soul. I need to continue to plant NEW seeds (study my faith) and weed out the bad things that keep me from seeing the way God is trying to romance me. He alone can fill my needs and desires. Hidden in that garden is the means by which I can see my own beauty; hidden there is the wisdom I lack.

>>Tangent: I always feel my home needs to be organized. Maybe it's because inside I am so confused and disorganized!?

What do I do Lord?

He said to me:

Homeschool, housekeep, love your spouse, worship God, be prayerful, be vigilant in your works. Focus on those things along. Tend that garden. Stop trying to dig another one, when this one needs tending!

>>This seems to be the cycle in my life. I tend to start a new thing without finishing the other [million] things I have already begun.

Why do I do this? I ask.

Searching for fullfillment. Hoping to find it in the next thing.

>>Oh crap, he got me there.

So where is it, this garden? Where is this self-satisfying place?

IT's withing this garden, the one I've already started in this vocation as mother and wife. It's here I will be satisfied and romanced. "Here" is MY FAMILY!

It's somewhere amidst the simplicity or [AH-HA] the "poverty" of living simply. The poverty I was so afraid of earlier, was not so complicated after all. And why should it be? He says to me,

"Do the tast at hand, and you will be fulfilled and satisfied."

Oh, thank you Lord for this answer! I must go now and tend my garden - tend to the needs of my family.

>>My hand started to flow so quickly, I wished I knew shorthand...

"The time will come again when I will need you for bigger and more complicated things. So you must 'Stay alert and sober' [as we read in the bible today] and be ready for when I come again for you. It will come as a whisper in the night. Not hauntingly, but more lingering in your ear so you cannot brush it away."

God WILL call. But for now, I must tend those precious flowers growing at home, they who depend on me to nourish them, care for them, and guide them to our Lord.

Thank you for taking the time to read God's words of Wisdom to me. I just love his beautiful way of speaking to me in prayer. I started out by telling him in adoration that I only had 30 minutes. I didn't watch the clock, but my writing ceased at exactly 30 minutes later.

Yes, God speaks to me. And he can speak to you to,

if you're still enough and listen with an open and willing heart.

He has so much to say to you.

God Bless!